


slbdtf

by aeonpathy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, College Setting, Gen, Literal Crack, M/M, No Plot, The Gays Are Winning, chatfic, crackheads, hyungwonho are not officially dating, i swear we're all normal, mentions of other groups and idols, please prepare ur brain, stan twitter talk, this is a mess, truly the skinniest gc, we love legends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-07 10:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 17,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15217607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeonpathy/pseuds/aeonpathy
Summary: hoseok: changkyun, a god?changkyun: possiblyhyungwon: i'm gonna use my gluten money to buy organic non gmo gluten free moneychangkyun: a good investmentjooheon: my brain cells hurt while trying to read thatuhhh please note that this is purely crack and has no plot whatsoever ! this is just for self-indulgence and this is formerly known as skinny legend big dick truck freak !!(highkey inspired by vatonages' "there's a world that's been waiting for you as you are" so please read it because it's amazing)





	1. regrouping the ogs

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crackheads only event NERDS

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

minhyuk: howdy fuckboys 

 

kihyun: hello 

 

hyungwon: LMAOOO fUCk

 

hyunwoo: that's unfortunate 

 

jooheon: y'all i'm fucking broke and i wanna d i e

 

changkyun: get a sugar daddy then 

 

hoseok: changkyun, a god?

 

changkyun: possibly 

 

hoseok: sugar daddy who? i want me a glucose guardian

 

jooheon: GGFEJ 

 

changkyun: i want a chemical compound caretaker 

 

jooheon: is it gluten free?

 

hyungwon: glucose guardian sounds like big guards who watch over sugar cane crops or smth 

 

minhyuk: i'm gonna use my gluten money to buy organic non gmo gluten free money

 

changkyun: a good investment 

 

hoseok: idk, does money contain gluten

 

jooheon: i hope not im tryna make bank soon 

 

changkyun: only one way to find out 

 

hoseok: find it @ whole foods 

 

changkyun: didn't whole foods sell itself to amazon

 

hoseok: in the gluten free capitalist isle 

 

jooheon: my brain cells hurt while trying to read that 

 

kihyun: I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY 

 

changkyun: ISOXJSSKNS

 

minhyuk: we a family?

minhyuk: gasp!

 

hoseok: my last 2 brain cells attempting to communicate

 

minhyuk: mi familia <3

 

jooheon: cells did you mean sells

 

hyunwoo: brain sells 

 

changkyun: ANBYSIXYDYYDJSD

 

kihyun: why would you sell ur brain

 

hyungwon: brain sells bc it cannot afford to go to an ivy league college

 

minhyuk: so we can give it to you 

 

kihyun: goodbye, minhyuk

 

minhyuk: ily 

 

hyungwon: wait question aren't blooges what you cough up from the back of ur throat when u get sick

 

kihyun: BYE

 

changkyun: LE PELAS

changkyun: E

 

kihyun: I CNAT EBKEUVE TJIDKFKSOEJFOQLJDKF

 

hyunwoo: i thought that was mucus 

 

hyungwon: also who was the one who wrote a fan fic about a sewer

 

jooheon: got a lisp kihyun?

 

kihyun: yeth

 

jooheon: excuse u hyungwon what

 

hoseok: who dod what

 

changkyun: probably hoseok

 

hoseok: biTCH

 

hyungwon: i know y'all know what i'm talking about

hyungwon: i swear

 

hyunwoo: im sorry i don't think anyone does

 

hoseok: i did the kool aid man

 

minhyuk: probably kihyun

 

kihyun: OR it could be minhyuk you hoe 

 

changkyun: u... u DID the kool aid man..

 

hoseok: i did not fuck the kool aid man wtf

 

hyungwon: changkyun politely leave the group chat since we do not have the power to remove you

 

kihyun: ^

 

minhyuk: ^^

 

jooheon: ^^^

 

hyunwoo: ^^^^

 

hoseok: ^^^^^ 

 

changkyun: shady ass fuckers

 

jooheon: oppars 

 

hoseok: choke

 

jooheon: me daddy

 

kihyun: my dick

kihyun: oh

 

hoseok: owo

 

minhyuk: holy fuck

 

 

 


	2. get me a bad bitch up in the ortho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have no clue where these convos are going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hella wild tbh

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

jooheon: bitch what the hell

 

kihyun: i-

 

hyungwon: you look so beautiful wtf

 

jooheon: i wanna be as powerful as minhyuk one day where ppl cry over my selfies

 

hoseok: but you are

 

changkyun: you know that feeling that you're old when you feel like an ancient hag with creaky bones 

 

kihyun: STOPDJDKF 

 

hoseok: i lied the only man capable of making me cry over his selfies is christian yu

hoseok: amen

 

minhyuk: amen

 

kihyun: dear god, rome. amen.

 

jooheon: who is this man 

 

hyungwon: christian yu can like...get it 

hyungwon: so i just got done with a photo shoot and i went to take a shower and i forgot i had makeup on

hyungwon: i hate forgetting to take off my mascara and then taking a shower bc it smudges and i look like avril lavigne before she got cloned :/

 

jooheon: sAmE

 

minhyuk: KSKDKD

 

kihyun: snmdkfdidnlf

kihyun: i hate this i'm going to go dig a hole

 

hoseok: into my arms?

 

hyunwoo: smooth

 

kihyun: goodbye, hoseok

 

minhyuk: while i'm holding hoseok

 

hoseok: ;)

 

changkyun: what gay disaster have i stumbled upon

 

hyungwon: ask yourself twink 

 

changkyun: rude

 

minhyuk: hoseok you fucking suck what the hell

 

hoseok: i swallow but go off

 

changkyun: BITCH WHO ARE YOU

 

minhyuk: HOSEOK

 

hyungwon: BItcH I CHoKed

 

jooheon: I COME BACK TO THIS MESS 

 

hoseok: i put my metal retainers back on and I HAVE A LISP GOD DAMN IT

 

hyungwon: MY LASAGAAAA

 

changkyun: that mutht thuck

 

hoseok: GCHSHVJ

hoseok: i once said "suck my ass" w/ my retainers on and it came out "thuck my athhhh"

 

changkyun: THYCK MY WTAHNFNNFNNFF

 

jooheon: thuck my ath pwintheth

 

hyunwoo: i think lisps are really cute

 

kihyun: agreed

 

minhyuk: shut up kihyun you have one too

 

kihyun: listen bitch.

 

minhyuk: but yeah lisps are cute

 

kihyun: i hate you

 

minhyuk: and i love you

 

hyungwon: can y'all feel the love tonight

 

jooheon: it's literally 1:15 pm stop being dramatic

 

hoseok: IM BEING BULLIED YVIVUVO

 

jooheon: TIME TO SLANDER YOU NOW

 

kihyun: now u know

 

hyungwon: wrong

 

hoseok: weong

 

hyungwon: shh

 

changkyun: thticky rithe thnackth

 

minhyuk: LMAOFKSJFJD

minhyuk: STOP IR MOW

 

hyungwon: damn boy u lookin like a THNACKTH

 

jooheon: THOP IT NOW

 

hyunwoo: my friend just told me to slide him some krispy kreme donuts so he could shove them up his ass

hyunwoo: i dont know how im feeling abt that honestly

 

kihyun: uhhhh how about you cut contact with that person

 

hyunwoo: good point 

 

changkyun: hyungwon wait thought you were gay not bi

 

jooheon: HDKDKSKKDS

 

hyungwon: no i'm a homo sapien ? 

 

minhyuk: DID YALL SEE HOLLAND'S APRIL FOOLS SKFKKDD

 

changkyun: "IK NOT GAYI

changkyun: INFDISHSISIDNDND

 

hoseok: I LOVE HOLLAND

hoseok: ugh jooheon, mi amor, je t'aime muah muah <3

 

kihyun: ew

 

hyungwon: ee

 

jooheon: sorry i don't speak italian

 

hoseok: LMAOOO

 

hyunwoo: oUCH

 

minhyuk: when you get curved harder than kim k's photos on insta

 

kihyun: OH MY GOD

 

hyunwoo: SMACK

 

hyungwon: DOWN

 

changkyun: hoseok: 0 everyone else: 2

 

hoseok: that's not fair you hoe

 

hyungwon: look i know it's like 2 pm and all but i'm gonna SLEEP 

hyungwon: y'all better be alive when i wake up in the morning or i'm suing

 

minhyuk: understandable we will

 

jooheon: anyone wanna grab icecream and also gn!

 

changkyun: are we gonna ignore the fact that hyungwon said 2pm and we could've used that opportunity to spam the chat with PUT UR HANDS UP and goodnight 

 

hoseok: ugh your mind

 

kihyun: are you ignoring the fact jooheon's inviting us out for icecream (night hyungwon) 

 

hyunwoo: sleep well!

 

jooheon: uhhhhhh yeah?

 

hoseok: goodnight wonnie uwu

 

kihyun: is that an...UWU 

kihyun: oH ?

 

hoseok: shut up

 

minhyuk: o H

 

hyunwoo: oH

 

hoseok: i hate you all

hoseok: yeah i'll go get icecream with you

 

minhyuk: same

 

changkyun: omw

 

kihyun: yeah me and hyunwoo will come

 

jooheon: alright

 

jooheon: but are we gonna ignore the fact that hoseok just said U-

 

 

 

 

 


	3. tea only makes you thirstier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things suddenly get serious but like...not THAT serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suddenly there's plot? what?

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

hoseok: why'd this guy i had a crush on a while back suddenly text me "oh are you into choking?"

hoseok: tf am i supposed to say "yeah u should choke me"

 

minhyuk: I'm the only one 4 u

minhyuk: I'll choke u too

minhyuk: also good morning my loves 

 

hyungwon: good morning <3

 

minhyuk: HyunGwOn y do I feel like I haven't messaged u on yeARS

 

hoseok: someone play gaia with me

hoseok: ever since *** and i broke up i've been bored LMAO

 

hyungwon: idk i haven't played in so long

hyungwon: also hoseok when did they change the currency

 

hoseok: idk they had a huge inflation

hoseok: buuuut

hoseok: ya boy is gonna hook you up

 

hyungwon: sugar papi owo

 

jooheon: did hoseok just become hyungwon's sugar daddy

 

kihyun: it was bound to happen

 

hoseok: SHUT It

 

hyunwoo: what's gaia

 

hyungwon: an old online game

hyungwon: HOSEOK JUST GIFTED ME SO MUCH SHIT

hyungwon: "twas a gift from my sugar daddy on gaia

hyungwon: everything expensive was just gifted to me lmao

 

hoseok: have fun w/ the gifts

 

hyungwon: my sugar papi <3

 

jooheon: YO my ex wanna start shit who wants TEA

 

 

 

**hoseok - jooheon**

 

 

hoseok: BINCH

 

jooheon: i'm so fucking done with him. if he wants to call me names then i'm not gonna back down this time.

jooheon: he's gonna fuck himself over and i'm LIVING for it

 

hoseok: look hun RUN HIM HIS SQUARED ASS, CARD DECLINING EDGES

 

jooheon: CARD DECLINING EDGES YOOOOOOOOO IM GODNNSND CRYDJDJ

 

 

 

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

kihyun: yeah alright get a fucking room

 

hoseok: Look.

 

changkyun: i swear i'm always late when y'all are texting

 

hoseok: i got divorced girlies

 

hyunwoo: there's no girls here are you b l i n d

 

hoseok: yes bitch i wear glasses i said what i said

 

minhyuk: i missed so much 

 

changkyun: now you know how i feel

 

kihyun: tbh i'm lost

 

hyungwon: JAIANWIAJ WHAAAT

hyungwon: shit i'll marry you

 

kihyun: PERHAPS I CHOKED

 

changkyun: DID I READ THAT RIGHT

 

hyunwoo: LEMME MOVE MY BANG I KNOW I DIDNT READ THAT RIGHT

 

minhyuk: awww congrats guys

 

jooheon: minhyuk what the fuck

 

hoseok: uwu really now

hoseok: LMAO "this feature doesn't support polygamous relationships as of now"

 

hyungwon: LMAO

hyungwon: "as of now"

 

hoseok: i proposed mi amor accept muah muah 

 

kihyun: what a time to be living

 

minhyuk: proposing on an online game

 

changkyun: now we wait for the real deal

 

hoseok: CHANGKYUN SHU TP I SEWRA

 

hyungwon: omg now i feel like dming him "check ur gaia"

hyungwon: "stole ur items AND ur man"

hyungwon: hol up

 

 

 

**hyungwon - *****

 

hyungwon: what the FUCK is up ***

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

***: that's hella unnecessary but gladly bruh :'

 

hyungwon: not with that hum noi

 

 

 

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

hyungwon: how come no one has texted

hyungwon: also me and hoseok got married <3

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyunwoo: oH?

 

kihyun: O H 

 

hoseok: STOP

 

minhyuk: while y'all were busy being gays in love

minhyuk: THERE'S AN ISSUE

minhyuk: i took a bdsm test and i got 100% degradee

 

kihyun: what's a degradee

 

hoseok: no one tell him. pROTECT HIS INNOCENCE

 

jooheon: it's when you like being called a slut or whore sexually and all that yada yada jazz

 

kihyun: my EyEs

 

hyungwon: sEE WHAT YOU DID

 

hyunwoo: ah, i wish i had my innocence still

 

changkyun: shut up ur like 26

 

hyunwoo: CHILD.

 

changkyun: being called yada yada makes me BUST 

 

hyunwoo: I thought you said yoda yoda and I was like wtf type of kink

 

hyungwon: Jkajsusjwb omg

hyungwon: I took the test and i'm a DOM

 

hoseok: i'm a dom too...

 

kihyun: what's this

 

changkyun: what kinda married couple shit is this

 

minhyuk: it's called love what else

 

jooheon: sexual tension who?

 

hoseok: my husband, a dom?

hoseok: me, a dom?

 

hyungwon: us, a switch?

 

hoseok: that's why we're switches LMAO

hoseok: im gonna die brb

 

hyunwoo: O no don't die

hyunwoo: Whathappened

 

kihyun: ^

 

minhyuk: u good

 

changkyun: what if i kiss you and do cpr

 

minhyuk: Changkyun we're trying to make him live not die

 

changkyun: .

changkyun: this is homophobic

 

hoseok: i cut my hair yall

 

_hoseok sent an image_

 

minhyuk: WOW U LOOK SO GOOD

minhyuk: I-

minhyuk: I LOVE MY HUBBY OMG

 

hyungwon: minhyuk B bACK OFF

hyungwon: HOSEOK UR SO CUTE <3

 

jooheon: hoseok are you bald 

jooheon: OH UR SO CUTE

 

kihyun: "hoseok are you bald"

 

hoseok: i guess i am yes

 

changkyun: UR SO CUTE AHHHH

 

minhyuk: the law

minhyuk: i meant the large ahhhhs fml i typed the wrong letter and sent

 

hoseok: l a w

 

minhyuk: bitch

 

hoseok: large who? i agree only with the law

 

changkyun: hyungwon is the law legalizing same sex marriage thanks gay legend

 

hyungwon: what do i have to do to end this conversation

 

changkyun: idk but that reminds me i have to take a shower now

 

jooheon: i hope you slip <3

 

changkyun: the only time i slip is when i fall for u <3

 

hyungwon: delete that

 

changkyun: this is HOMOPHOBIC

 

jooheon: miss me with that gay shit

 

changkyun: m-meninists......

 

jooheon: but i would slip for u too bro

 

changkyun: turns out u ARE bae

 

jooheon: DJDJD GO SHOWER

 

kihyun: i swear to god stop this shit

 

hyunwoo: it's cute let them be

 

minhyuk: I COULD FALLLL

 

hyunwoo: IN LOOOOOVVVE

 

kihyun: WITH yOuuuuUUUUUU

 

hyunwoo: so besides singing selena

hyunwoo: i was grading papers because 4 some reason i'm helping the prof this summer

hyunwoo: And I was like wow this person is stupid this test is so easy how could they get an 80

hyunwoo: it was my paper

 

hyungwon: fucking ME

 

hyunwoo: I was likE OH

 

hoseok: ME

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. european history was for the gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> galileo was THAT guy !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i passed my ap euro test i swear i know where this chat is going

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

hyungwon: aristotle hates women i'm not surprised he's been cancelled for me for years now

hyungwon: galileo was put under house arrest and convicted of heresy by the CATHOLIC CHURCH bc they didn't believe him bc they all believed aristotle's dumb ass theories !!!!

hyungwon: galileo was a devout catholic so he just went with it to make his life easier

hyungwon: galileo did nothing wrong and they should have freed my mans galileo galilei !!!!!!!!!

hyungwon: a TRUE intellectual

 

hoseok: galileo, a true g

 

hyungwon: thank you for coming to my ted talk

 

hoseok: np but holy shit

hoseok: fucking

hoseok: chopped the head off

hoseok: this is brutal

 

hyunwoo: the head of wjat 

 

minhyuk: my dick

 

hoseok: JSJDJDKS

 

minhyuk: BANDJDMDND

 

hoseok: no i was at new years the other day and there was a CUTE BOY shredding papaya

hoseok: sorry wonnie 

 

hyunwoo: send pics

 

hyungwon: succ his papaya

 

kihyun: SJAKKDLSND

 

hyungwon: AND his pomegranate

 

changkyun: LISTEN.

 

hyunwoo: Peach

 

hyungwon: pdragonfruit

 

hoseok: FKWJSKFD

 

changkyun: STOP

 

changkyun: people

 

jooheon: Pdragon oppar 

 

kihyun: SToP

 

hoseok: my cousin was like "oh comb over guy no homo"

 

hyungwon: comb over guy

hyungwon: he has a NAME 

hyungwon: and it's PAPAYA BOY

hyungwon: wait...

hyungwon: Papaya Shredder,,,,,,

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

changkyun: LMAOOO

 

jooheon: i-

 

kihyun: gOodBYE

 

minhyuk: i like how ur cousin had to say "no homo"

minhyuk: i feel stupid

 

hoseok: WHY

hoseok: do i gotta fight

 

minhyuk: No!!

minhyuk: A bitch is just fuclimg wHIPPED

 

hoseok: MOOD 

 

jooheon: I-

 

hyunwoo: Hoseok's cheating on me w/ two people

hyunwoo: whore!

 

minhyuk: I change my mind I'm switching over to hyunwoo

minhyuk: Hyunwoo and I are gonna cheat on hoseok together

 

hoseok: i said i was cuffed by hyungwon I'M LOYAL SHUT IP

 

changkyun: look i get that cheating is serious and all BUT have y'all tried that mango sticky rice at that one booth

 

hoseok: it's amazing ugh

 

kihyun: i lIke wheN thiNgs r stiCky and SoFt iN my MoutH

 

hoseok: kihyun s t o o 

hoseok: p

 

changkyun: remember when jooheon actually had brain cells

 

hyunwoo: sells

 

minhyuk: you meant brain sells

 

hyungwon: did he ever tho

hyungwon: i'm dragging too many people today am i okay

hyungwon: i need a xanax

 

changkyun: NOFDHDNFJS

 

kihyun: class makes me wanna die !

 

jooheon: bITCH

jooheon: also yeah math can like...take a hike

 

changkyun: should i airdrop this picture of this shiba to this girl in the room with me

 

jooheon: yes tf

 

minhyuk: i only have people airdrop me shitty memes ugh lucky

 

hyungwon: a while back this couple was yelling at each other in the hallways before class started and it was empty n quiet and the girl yells at the guy down the hall "just because you made this pussy pop before don't mean you can disrespect me now !"

 

hoseok: THAT ENERGY OMG

 

changkyun: the hets back at it again !

 

kihyun: PUSSY POP IM SCREAMING

 

jooheon: PUTHY POP

 

kihyun: look.

 

hoseok: you bitch. 

 

hyunwoo: LMAO

 

hyungwon: when the prof gets sus because she sees you laughing while looking at ur crotch

hyungwon: anyways

 

minhyuk: it's so sad having to use the universities' wifi sometimes that shit slow

minhyuk: i miss all the good shit

 

hoseok: this girl asked me to follow her and i looked at her bio right

hoseok: "PROUD LOATION"

hoseok: i didn't have the heart to tell her it's laotian but whatever

 

hyungwon: when ur half lao half lotion

hyungwon: i love mixed cultures !

 

kihyun: dkdkdk

 

minhyuk: at least they're not ashy

 

hoseok: JDJDJDJDJ

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

kihyun: FUCK OFF BITCH

 

jooheon: eW

 

hyunwoo: I'ma have to ask you to KINDLY STOP !

 

changkyun: I MEED EVERYOEN TO SEE IT

 

kihyun: IT SDISGYUDTING

 

changkyun: damn that roach on the right got their ass ATE

 

minhyuk: SHUT U PMDJKDMFL

 

hoseok: IMGGGONDNANA AHSHDJFJ

 

hyungwon: ITS JUST

 

hyunwoo: we're a mess jesus

 

 


	5. the vegans want ur nudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dogs are super cute uwu that's it that's the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just realized we really are crackheads

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

kihyun: my dog

kihyun: just ate plants

 

minhyuk: okay so ??

 

hoseok: ur dog is so cute 

 

jooheon: agreed

 

kihyun: not when she eats my dads plants!

 

hyungwon: morn

hyungwon: she's trying to transition into a vegan lifestyle sUPPORT HER

 

changkyun: she's a VEGETARIAN YOU FUCKING BLOOD SUCKING CARNIVORE

 

kihyun: FUCK U SHE ALMOST CHOKED ON THE FUCKING LEAF

 

changkyun: CPR BITCH 

 

kihyun: SHUT UP FURRY!

 

changkyun: NO U

 

hoseok: vegans are real and they want ur nudes

 

changkyun: no bruh. nudes before dudes.

 

hyunwoo: I mean

hyunwoo: I guess

hyunwoo: fries before hoes

 

changkyun: dicks before chicks!

 

minhyuk: NO

minhyuk: dicks are ugly 

 

hyunwoo: ...

 

kihyun: ...

 

jooheon: ...

 

hoseok: ...

 

hyungwon: ... 

 

changkyun: b...

 

minhyuk: i'm sorry class

 

hoseok: i had a dream of a faceless dude who took me out on a date last night it was actually kinda cute

 

changkyun: i'm sorry what

 

minhyuk: when hoseok gets more action than you in his dreams

 

hyunwoo: sad and scary but mostly scary what the fuck hoseok

 

hyungwon: when you been whoring yourself out to half the people in the group chat and now it's haunting your dreams 

 

hoseok: OuCh

 

changkyun: eric [CLOSE.] slendy [OPEN.]

changkyun: when hoseok's ideal type is slenderman kk

 

hoseok: DOES SLENDY HAVE MELANIN AND WAVY HAIR I THINK THE FUCK NOT !

 

hyungwon: u have to be AT LEAST 6'833" to join my harem ! sorry ladies and gents i don't make the rules (but actually i do)

hyungwon: 50 murder charges i love a baddie

hyungwon: unless ur hoseok 

 

hoseok: when i'm shorter than 6'8

hoseok: aw <3

hoseok: wait r u divorcing me :''

 

hyungwon: baby no

 

hoseok: :-(

 

hyungwon: that's not what i mean

 

jooheon: then wtf do you mean

 

minhyuk: kdramas have NOTHING on this

 

kihyun: this is so dramatic for no reason

 

hyunwoo: as if you don't live for it

 

kihyun: look.

 

changkyun: slendy: i'm 6'3, got tentacles, 2 proxies and 50 murder charges against me // hyungwon: you said 6'3? 

changkyun: if u elect me as president i will legalize polygamy

 

hyungwon: bitch legalize urself first u fuckin FETUS

 

jooheon: are you implying a poly relationship with slendy

 

hyunwoo: and his 2 proxies?

 

kihyun: married culture is having an affair with a murderer

 

hoseok: SHU TUP

 

hyungwon: freaky but not THAT freaky take a hike !

 

minhyuk: give me a V !

 

hyunwoo: V

 

minhyuk: give me an O !

 

kihyun: O

 

minhyuk: give me a R !

 

changkyun: i dont like where this is going 

 

kihyun: bitch i am hungry

 

_kihyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: is that a chicken foot

 

minhyuk: same

 

hyungwon: what's changkyun's hand doing there

 

hoseok: I-

 

kihyun: FJKSJFKSJFKF

 

changkyun: ...

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

changkyun: :(((((((((((((((((((

changkyun: mt legs and the chicken foot

 

jooheon: me touching ur thigh to calm you down

 

changkyun: natural selection is out to get you, you outdated animated fictional creature.

 

jooheon: CHANGKYUN

 

hyunwoo: jesus changkyun who hurt you

 

changkyun: that. that THING 

 

hoseok: okay while changkyun's about to be slendy mc slendy face

hoseok: my athletic trainer prof can really get a football tossed at his face

hoseok: he's testing us on our taping skills and i wanna choke

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

kihyun: whats that

 

changkyun: ^

 

hoseok: like if i were to tape a wrist from hyperextension

hoseok: i'd spray and use prewrap so the tape doesn't pull out skin

 

hyungwon: i love my athletic trainer husband

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. nevada is sin city B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> balut is not for the faint of heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stuck was really that era where everyone looked godly because LEGS

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

jooheon: what does balut taste like

 

kihyun: an egg

kihyun: HDKSKS

 

hoseok: an overcooked egg yolk and soup broth

 

hyungwon: broken hopes and dreams

 

kihyun: HYUNGWOONSJDSJAJ

 

hoseok: WONNIE STOP

 

changkyun: so i'm working on my gov hw right

changkyun: and i have to create the name of a political party

changkyun: i'm lost help

 

hyungwon: uwunators

 

hoseok: yes

 

kihyun: that's cute

 

hyunwoo: i agree with hyungwon

 

minhyuk: hello

 

hyunwoo: HI MINHYUKK

 

kihyun: mindyuk

kihyun: minhyuk

 

jooheon: dyuk...duck...

 

kihyun: shut up.

 

hoseok: gavy

 

jooheon: gavy...Gay...

 

hoseok: the turkeynators said flop flop bitch

hoseok: gayvy who?

 

minhyuk: FLOP FLOP BITCH I YELLED

 

changkyun: TURKEYBATOROSJSBDD

 

hyungwon: that reminded me of lotto by jay park

 

hyunwoo: i'd name my child after god

hyunwoo: aka jay park

 

minhyuk: mood

 

jooheon: pHAT MOOD

 

hyungwon: ALL I WANNA DO IS KICK IT WITH YOUUUUUUU

 

hoseok: BOY LOOK AT YOU BABY

hoseok: ALMOST LOOKIN FLYER THAN ME

 

minhyuk: he even changed the pronoun wow

 

changkyun: true love said vroom vroom i'm out !

 

hoseok: AND I

hoseok: I GOT THAT GOLD ROLLIE

 

hyungwon: WITH THE LOUIS VUITTON ON MY BODY

hyungwon: AND I KNOW THAT SHIR DONT IMPRESS YA

 

kihyun: this is married culture

 

hoseok: brb

 

changkyun: i can't go with uwunators i'd die

 

hyungwon: go big or go home bitch

 

changkyun: sounds like a texan thing

 

kihyun: deadass

 

minhyuk: YEEHAW YALL WHOOP WHOOP

minhyuk: ugh texan stereotypes amirite

 

changkyun: KUNTRYYYY BOY I LOVVVVVVVE YOUUUUU

 

hyunwoo: STOPSMALM

 

hyungwon: ugh isn't texas like hella hot

 

hyunwoo: yes

 

kihyun: i'm pretty sure the gates of hell are there then

 

hyungwon: no it's obviously in a big fiery sinhole aka NEVADA 

 

changkyun: big...fiery...sin...hole

 

kihyun: ew bitch

 

hyunwoo: i did NOT need that image

 

changkyun: watch this

changkyun: BoA is the queen of kpop

 

hyungwon: i like the way ur mind works

 

jooheon: what's that supposed to do

 

changkyun: ho-

 

hoseok: SHUT

hoseok: UP

 

changkyun: I SUMMONED HIM LMAO

 

hyunwoo: IM CRYIMG OMG

 

changkyun: rude !

 

minhyuk: y'all hear about fans shit talking jae from day6

 

hyungwon: my babies

 

kihyun: he literally said nothing wrong if anything i agree with what he said

 

changkyun: [someone says they dont want to spend $300 on a first date] knetz: RUDE MENINIST! 

changkyun: [someone makes a song about monkeys and bananas] knetz: OFFENSIVE TO PEOPLE WITH ALLERGIES

changkyun: [someone is unapologetically, blatantly racist or does cultural appropriation] knetz: [REST.]

 

kihyun: STOPFJDLCMKDV

 

jooheon: LMAO

 

hoseok: SMACKED THE FUCK

 

hyungwon: DOWN

 

minhyuk: HOLY SHIT

 

kihyun: i know this is random but earlier someone asked me about ddlg but idk what that is

 

hoseok: EVRYONE SHUT UP

 

jooheon: HUSH KIHYUN SHHHJAJ

 

hyungwon: baby...

hyungwon: for kihyun it would be bdlr...

 

kihyun: WHAT

 

changkyun: BUG DOM LITTLE ROACH

 

kihyun: SHUT UP CHANGKYUN OMG NO

 

_hyunwoo has sent an image_

 

hoseok: BUG DADDY LITTLE ROACH

 

minhyuk: I KEEP CRYIN THAT ROACH REALLY GOT ITS ASSS ATE

 

jooheon: STOP TAERS ARE RUNING DOEN MY FACE

 

hyunwoo: god this chat needs help 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. we have the meats !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> arby's really out here wildin'

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

changkyun: imagine me as the embodiment of arby's

 

hoseok: ARBYS

hoseok: OH GOD

 

changkyun: ITS SO DISGUSTING like me

 

hyungwon: the employees eat barbecue to see if they sweat 

 

changkyun: who the fuck is mucus luigi

 

hyungwon: ain't that some type of pasta with cheese in it

 

changkyun: SO I WAS SITTING THERE. BBQ SAUCE ON MY TITTIES. 

changkyun: no thats the leaning tower of pizza

 

jooheon: uh huh

 

kihyun: saves and u guys r active whats up

 

hoseok: uh

hoseok: um

 

changkyun: urm

changkyun: Nothing!!

 

hoseok: not much

 

hyungwon: omg i need to do that too

 

hoseok: kekekekeke

 

kihyun: who the fuck is mucus luigi

 

jooheon: SHUTJKDOGIOF

 

hyunwoo: SROPFXH

 

hyungwon: jajajaja

 

changkyun: its um. mario's third cousin thrice removed. 

 

minhyuk: i'm sorry WHAT

minhyuk: god we need help

 

hoseok: luigi ,, our flaming flamboyant twinky itlalian homo sex of the u als

hoseok: side job: japanese plumber

 

kihyun: the...

 

hyunwoo: we don't speak of this

 

changkyun: that text was a rollercoaster from beginning to end

 

jooheon: no shit it was jesus christ

 

hoseok: i spelt italian wrong FUCL

 

hyunwoo: didn't even notice it 

 

_hoseok sent an image_

 

hyungwon: oooo she thique

 

hoseok: papaya ,, shredder ,,

 

hyungwon: fuck the papaya shredder boy my husband's the real shredder!

 

minhyuk: NDHDNNS

 

kihyun: KDKSKDK

 

hoseok: my cousin jus told me that he thinks some kpop lookin guy would look good 4 me

 

minhyuk: SOME KPOP LOOKING GUYA SABDSJB

 

hyunwoo: IM YELLING

 

hyungwon: GET THIS THOUGH

hyungwon: "okay then a nice functioning white MAN"

 

changkyun: FUCKDSKJSKJKD

 

hoseok: my own baby cousin hates me

 

hyunwoo: that's unfortunate ain't it

 

hyungwon: this dude asked me if i could read

hyunwon: uhhh my husband's always on my mind and i can't say any other name other than his so sorry!

 

minhyuk: but ur friends...

 

jooheon: you have so many friends tho...

 

hyungwon: i'm gonna call them all hoseok now

 

changkyun: can i be hoseok #9

 

kihyun: No One is Okay in this chat

 

hoseok: we are completely functional

hoseok: wym

hoseok: you fucking undercooked laab what DO YOU THINK THIS IS

 

hyungwon: i am a logarithmic function

 

kihyun: UR MEAN

 

hyunwoo: LMAO when you cant relate

 

jooheon: god because you said arby's

jooheon: i hate kfc's slogan

 

minhyuk: FINGER LICKIN' GOOD

 

changkyun: CNCNXCXN

 

hyungwon: do you eat PUSSY like that!

 

changkyun: who thought this group chat was a good idea

 

hoseok: i want a snake as a pet

 

minhyuk: wow transitions are weird !

 

changkyun: u xan have me

 

jooheon: NOOOOO

 

hyungwon: we have arby's!

 

changkyun: wait,

changkyun: YEEEEEEEEESSS

 

minhyuk: this guy in my math class is cute

minhyuk: but like idk if he's doing good with grades smh

 

hoseok: i'm pretty sure he's a 0.00 gpa

 

hyungwon: ugh what a dream

 

hyunwoo: i love an intellectual

 

kihyun: negative b's yeah i got that

 

changkyun: on a scale of 0-1 he's a zero and im the one he needs

 

jooheon: STOPSDFKFSO

 

hyunwoo: POLITELY LEAVE THE CHAT

 

minhyuk: FUCK YOU CHANGKYUN

 

jooheon: aggressive

 

kihyun: hello to u too minhyuk

 

minhyuk: hi

 

changkyun: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUHN

changkyun: FIGHTINF EVIL BY MOONLIGHT

 

hoseok: WINNING LOVE BY DAYLIGHT

 

minhyuk: NEVER RUNNING FROM A REAL FIGHT

 

jooheon: SHE IS THE ONE NAMED SAILOR MOON

 

hyunwoo: SHE WOULD NEVER TURN HER BACK ON HER FRIENDS

 

kihyun: SHE IS ALWAYS THERE TO DEFEND

 

hyungwon: SHE IS THE ONE ON WHOM WE DEPEND

 

minhyuk: i swear the lyrics were different

 

_hyunwoo sent an image_

 

changkyun: furries, i dont feel so good...

 

kihyun: furry's im not feline so good

 

hoseok: SITPP

 

jooheon: god really just left the chat

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lord have mercy on our souls


	8. when ur husband is actually cheating on you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my brain is fried from our messages

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

hyunwoo: sorry class im white but not THAT white

 

minhyuk: melanin king what do u mean

 

jooheon: it means kiss this ass, aha AHAHHA

 

kihyun: PEPPA THE PIG REALLY IS THAT ! BITCH

 

minhyuk: only the skinniest of legends

 

hyunwoo: hyungwon and i are married and i'm preggo but he doesn't wan to admit the child is his

 

hyungwon: sry i stopped being ppl's baby daddy when i married hoseok

 

jooheon: y'all take this marriage thing seriously

 

kihyun: is marriage a joke then

 

hyunwoo: So now I'm stuck with this thot dumbass Baby

hyunwoo: And no husband

 

changkyun: when u only married to do community service LMAOOO

 

kihyun: FUCKSKSKSSK

 

jooheon: SMACKDOWN

 

minhyuk: I LITERALLY JUST SCREAMED OUT LOUD OH MY GOD

 

kihyun: dam hyunwoo how ya feelin ?

 

hyunwoo: SOME JUT TOLD ME MY OWN HUSBAND MARRIED ME DOR COMMUNITY SERVICE

hyunwoo: SHIT HURTS KIHYUN

 

kihyun: I

 

changkyun: SIT DOWWN be HuMbLE

 

hoseok: my own husband having an affair?

 

hyungwon: this isn't what it looks like baby i swear

 

hyunwoo: it's exactly what it looks like

 

kihyun: oh my god

 

jooheon: CAN I BE MURAY

 

minhyuk: I LOVED THAT SHOW

 

hoseok: h-how could u do this...i made you a billionaire and THIS is how you repay me?

 

hyungwon: we're still that gay billlionaire couple wYM I DONT KNOW THIS FOOL

 

hyunwoo: ADMIT ITS UR CHILD

 

minhyuk: this is so conflicting

minhyuk: it's so hot outside

 

kihyun: omg no way

 

hoseok: for once i can't tell if kihyun's being sarcastic

 

hyungwon: i lost my wallet yall

 

hoseok: how the fuck

 

minhyuk: shut the fuck up you cannibal

minhyuk: jkjk 

minhyuk: i <3 u

 

kihyun: i'll Leave

 

hyunwoo: IM SO CONFUSED I LOOKED AT MY NOTIFS AND ALL I SEE IS SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNIBAL

 

changkyun: this chat really is a lost cause

 

jooheon: i have to do this speech in front of all the new kids but idk what to say

jooheon: why did i sign up to be a guide

 

hoseok: you need that gluten free non gmo bank that's why

 

jooheon: u right 

 

hyungwon: start off your speech by greeting the audience with "howdy whores!" 100% guaranteed they will love you and adore you until the end of time

 

kihyun: HYUNGWONSDJFHAKJFHSKDJF

kihyun: we didn't even do speeches last year this is new

 

hoseok: until the end of time...

 

hyunwoo: get ur emo justin timberlake lookin headass out

 

hoseok: Look.

 

minhyuk: the version with beyonce is better

 

hoseok: agreed

 

changkyun: hoseok just commented "tu eres fea means i love you in taiwanese and i think that's beautiful"

 

kihyun: disappointed but not surprised

 

hoseok: watch what you say bug boy

 

kihyun: BITHC

 

hyungwon: omg yall should play gaia with us

hyungwon: i'll send shit to you guys

 

kihyun: me: IS GOING

 

hyunwoo: bet I'll join tomorrow after school

 

hoseok: i'll send gifts too <3

 

hyungwon: omg we are such a power couple

hyungwon: gay billionaires who?

 

hoseok: bby boy <3

 

jooheon: fuck gaia PLAY TOS 

 

hoseok: if we're mafia together

 

kihyun: changkyun always dies

 

minhyuk: salami, beat the meat!

 

kihyun: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHORE

 

minhyuk: how dare you call me a whore !

minhyuk: bc it's true !

 

changkyun: STOP

changkyun: STOP WOAKFLYODO

 

kihyun: MINHYUKADFKDJKS

 

minhyuk: <3<3 ^-^ ^~^ <3<3

 

hoseok: i've never wanted to choke so much in my life !

 

minhyuk: ew i hate myself after sending that

minhyuk: someone kick me out skdkk

minhyuk: wait-

 

kihyun: gladly!

 

hyunwoo: should i shower tomorrow

 

kihyun: or you can shower now

 

changkyun: no that's homophobic

 

hyungwon: i

 

changkyun: [i disagree with something or a minor inconvenience occurs] me: HOMOPHOBIC!

 

hoseok: JDHSNJX

 

jooheon: the internet should not exist because shit like this happens

 

hoseok: when i was younger i smashed garden snails for entertainment

 

hyunwoo: at least i grew up chasing waterfalls and not wifi

 

kihyun: waterfalls go down u might die

 

minhyuk: LMAOOO

 

hoseok: bitch i didn't have a phone until 8TH GRADE

hoseok: you thot wrong WHORE !

 

hyunwoo: no EFFING CURSING

 

hoseok: fine you SNAP CRACKLE POP SHIZZLE MC WHIZZLE

 

changkyun: is no one gonna talk about how hoseok was smashing and murdering garden snails

 

kihyun: OH

 

jooheon: HAHAJSKSHKDH

jooheon: i'm the garden snail

 

hyungwon: aren't we an optimistic bunch 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone please help us


	9. infect me with ur stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOOKY GHOST DOOR AHHHH

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

jooheon: hyungwon you should be a virus

 

hoseok: hyungwon, u should be a virus because you infect me with your crackheadassery

 

kihyun: KDKSHFK

 

minhyuk: JSDFHJSDFHJS

 

hyungwon: idk if i should b offended or not

 

_kihyun has sent an image_

 

jooheon: 100-lovers

 

hyungwon: that's how many lovers hoseok has

 

hoseok: i'm loyal :-(

hoseok: besides i can't be with the rest of the 99 of them because gaia doesn't support polymory relationships yet !

 

changkyun: i-

 

hyunwoo: get on tos hoes

 

kihyun: no i suck at that game

 

hoseok: hyunwoo and changkyun killed me last time we played IM BETRAYED

 

minhyuk: must suck to suck huh

 

kihyun: look.

 

hoseok: OH MY GOD MY DOOR JSUT OPPEDNED BY ITSELF 

hoseok: HELP

 

_hoseok has sent a video_

 

changkyun: me on my way to protect u even though i'd probably shit my pants

 

kihyun: BRITCH

kihyun: WAIR IT COSOES TOO

kihyun: CLOSWS

 

changkyun: TELL THAT GHOST I'LL EAT ITS ASS!

 

minhyuk: JHFKJSHDFJ

 

hyungwon: I CHOKED

 

hoseok: DO I SWING IT OPEN AND FIGHT IT

 

jooheon: GOTTA THROW THE WHOLE HOUSE AWAY JUST MOVE TO CANADA AT THIS POINT

 

hoseok: IM SO CSCRED HELP ME

hoseok: IT OPENED A LITTLE BIT MORE

hoseok: WJAT IS GOING ON

 

minhyuk: sing a duet

 

hyunwoo: MY hoMIE yOure DEAD

 

hoseok: Zhwlp ME I DONT WANNA FIE

hoseok: I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO LAUFH OR CRY

 

changkyun: ITS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET FOR PRIDE!!!!

changkyun: I CREALLY CAN TBRAATHE

 

kihyun: start yelling MAAAAATRYOSHKAAAAA

 

changkyun: MY YLUG

 

_changkyun has sent a video_

 

hyungwon: I CNAT BFBETAGEB

 

kihyun: I HATE HOH SONCUH

 

minhyuk: I WISH I COUSM RBRATJE

 

hyunwoo: SOMEONE RECORD THE VIDEO KYUNNIE SEND

hyunwoo: SENT

 

hoseok: OH MY GOD

 

_hoseok has sent a video_

 

changkyun: THE TOS MUSIC

 

hoseok: SHIYR IP

 

hyungwon: IT OPWNED SO WIDE THAT TIME WHAYT BE FCCUK

 

changkyun: ask it if it wants to play :3

 

hoseok: I'M SO SCARED RM

 

kihyun: CHANGKYUN SHUT UP

 

hoseok: NO I SHIT MY DOOR

 

jooheon: THATS VREEPY AS FUCK

 

hyunwoo: LSMDMAKSNSN

 

minhyuk: IM ACTUALLY CRYING

 

hoseok: ME TOO

 

changkyun: U SHIT OUT A DOOR???

 

hoseok: SHUT

hoseok: YOU HOE

 

hyungwon: STOPDKFKDMV

 

changkyun: NO WONDER UR CRYING DAMN

 

hoseok: IM FUCING SCARED

 

kihyun: BITCH IM GOINF TO KNOCK THE WIND OUT OF YOU

 

hoseok: SOMEONE OLEAEE

 

jooheon: IXNATBTRAATHE

 

changkyun: IMA SORRRY

 

hyunwoo: its probably gengar and haunter :v

 

changkyun: ITS OPENING AND SHUTTING BECAUSE ITS TRYING TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET BUT UR LOSING IT!!!

 

hoseok: ITS NOT MY CLOSET DOOR

 

hyungwon: ITS THE ACTUAL FUCKING DOOR CHANGKYUN

 

changkyun: anything is a closet if you try hard enough ;)

 

kihyun: SROP

 

minhyuk: IM LOSOING TMY SHIT 

 

hyunwoo: It's me sorry I was just trying to surprise you

 

hyungwon: HYUNWOO UR A GHOST EHAY

hyungwon: WHOS GHOST IS THIS

 

jooheon: THE AREA NEXT TO MY FOOT GOY COLD

jooheon: WHAT THE FUCK

jooheon: WHAT IS THIS

 

kihyun: i was talking to jhoney about how i was going to appear as a ghost i think its mine

 

hoseok: IM HONNA DIE

 

kihyun: YOONGLES SAID U HAVE TO MOVE TO ANTARCTICA RIGHT NOW

 

hyunwoo: HFKJSFHSJ

 

minhyuk: JUST LEAVE UR ROOM AND COME TO MY HOUSE

 

kihyun: BUT MINNIE

kihyun: ITS RIHHT AT THE DOOR

 

hoseok: IM TOO SCARED RO MOVE

hoseok: I HAD TO THROW A PILLOW TO VLOSE MY DOOR

 

changkyun: OH MY GOD MY CLSET DOOR OPNED FUCK EBLP

 

hyunwoo: ARE WE ALL GETTINGH HAUNTED

 

hyungwon: GHOTHBAYRERS WHERE ARE THEY WHEN YOY NEED THEM

 

jooheon: THEURS A FUCKING GHOTS SITTING NEAR MY FETE 

 

minhyuk: WE'RE ALL DYING DAMN

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm running out of screenshots OMG NO also i swear it's a fucking ghost haunting me


	10. can i be your boyfriend (can i?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your ex probably ain't shit and that's the tea!

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

hyunwoo: whats two plus two

 

minhyuk: NUT

 

jooheon: LSDKSAJK

 

kihyun: i swear to god if you step on my timbs, i'm finna BUST a fat NUT

 

hoseok: the russianbadger really is the best

hoseok: so i was studying my euro history notes and who the fuck is king louis iv

 

kihyun: its me

 

changkyun: don't disrespect one direction like that!

 

minhyuk: HJDJDKKD

 

jooheon: whats the criteria being taught in a history class years after you die

 

hyungwon: more like centuries

 

hyunwoo: reminds me of the of the two gay lovers who died in pompeii sucking dick

 

kihyun: WHAT

 

hoseok: the good way to go

hoseok: the renaissance was literally the gayest era

 

changkyun: michelangelo was literally a sugar daddy to a male model

changkyun: would write wax poetry and that shit

 

jooheon: modern romance is fucking dead

 

minhyuk: my last relationship turned out bad y'all saw how that happened

 

kihyun: minnie :(

 

jooheon: you'll find better sweet pea

 

hyunwoo: minhyuk i'll be ur new man

 

minhyuk: i-

 

kihyun: LMAO

 

jooheon: listen sweaty

 

kihyun: NO

 

changkyun: remember julie mcdonald

 

jooheon: julie mcdonald's unkee's dancing is so daebak !

 

kihyun: goodbye, jooheon

 

hyungwon: leave

 

hoseok: choke

 

jooheon: the one time i try to be funny smh

 

minhyuk: jooheon has been chicken

 

kihyun: ugh stray kids is so cute

 

hoseok: i stopped keeping track of kpop groups whos that

 

jooheon: ^

 

hyungwon: ^^

 

minhyuk: stray kids is a group jyp made in his basement

 

kihyun: SHUTIO UPNDN

 

hyungwon: deadass?

 

hyunwoo: oh so like normal?

 

minhyuk: jk from a show

 

kihyun: i hate yall

 

hyungwon: um isn't that called human trafficking

 

changkyun: they made themselves

 

hoseok: shut up hyungwon jdkdjfkdfjkd

 

_changkyun has sent a video_

 

hyungwon: changkyun why do u cover up ur webcam what if the fbi guy monitoring you is worried????

 

changkyun: FUCKKDJKLSDJAK

 

minhyuk: i think i'm gonna go sleep

 

hyunwoo: it's 3 pm tho??

 

minhyuk: does that ever stop me

 

hyunwoo: understandable have a good day

 

changkyun: goodnight minnie

 

jooheon: goodnight !!

 

changkyun: ur the only bitch i ever trusted in this house

 

kihyun: goodnight minhyuk 

kihyun: WOW

 

jooheon: omg this girl just asked if she'd lose her virginity if thdy used a tampon

 

kihyun: why

 

hoseok: HSJSJ

 

hyungwon: as if a piece of cotton can make this pussy POP

 

kihyun: WHATGHFJGJHD

 

hoseok: JTIREJFOJ DSTOP

 

jooheon: IMFN ICING CRUING

 

changkyun: WHY IS EVERYONE HER ESO WEIRD I JUST HEARD TIS COUPLE

changkyun: "you're a lousy piece of shit, go run some laps with that phat ass"

changkyun: "oh my god daddy"

changkyun: I WAANNA DIE

 

kihyun: FUCKNXDKNXDKNX

 

hoseok: WHEIORUWIWI

 

changkyun: "but bro...i've been running through ur mind all day"

 

jooheon: LEVABE

 

hyunwoo; STTOP

 

changkyun: ugh i was playing the bootleg cp on the library computer and puffles are so cute

 

hoseok: Millionaire Changkyun, secretly owns secret club downtown for penguins?

 

changkyun: absoultlelelely

changkyun: dont tell anyone but i put most of the funds torwards the puffle playground

 

hoseok: wow tilt on my haterz flex 4 my motivators gang gang

 

hyungwon: husband

 

kihyun: OH MY FOD

 

jooheon: TSOP THSI MADNESS

 

hyunwoo: YALL

hyunwoo: SOMEONE HI TMY LINE

 

minhyuk: WHAT WHO

 

kihyun: HE WOKE UP FOT YHSI

 

hyunwoo: ITS THAT GUY WHO DRESSED LIKE JUNGKOOK AND DANCED

 

hoseok: IM CRYINGHVHAS

 

hyunwoo: IM SO SAD OVER THIS STOP

 

kihyun: FUCKSKKAJDKJ

 

hyunwoo: THE ONLY MAN TO HIT MY LINE IN MONTHS IS THIS FUCKING 22 YEAR OLD DEAD JUNGKOOK MEME

 

changkyun: IM SCREWMING

 

hyunwoo: IM UPSET

 

kihyun: but hello minhyuk

 

changkyun: hey boy are you poison ivy because u make my ass itch

 

kihyun: STSTOP

 

hyungwon: IM UGLYL AUGHING

 

minhyuk: DIE

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i feeling so ??


	11. knights chronicle is addicting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> monsta x playing a moblie game together is a concept

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

hyungwon: omfg i hate when i get a 6* ticket and i get A R RATED GRIFFIN 

 

kihyun: LSMDSHJSDHJSH

kihyun: i just faught the demon king

 

hyungwon: u fought urself

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

kihyun: i GOT ESNA

kihyun: but i don't want to switch out chef lonin

 

hoseok: hyunnie has daddy chef issues

 

kihyun: SHUT UP HOSEOK

 

hyungwon: roast me like one of ur sirloin tips chef daddy

 

_kihyun has sent a video_

 

changkyun: JHDFJFKHSKFH

 

hyunwoo: OH MY OD

 

minhyuk: crackheads i am: BORED

 

hyungwon: crackheads in the chat, dreamies in the guilds

 

kihyun: STPOPOP

 

jooheon: if only u were as easily amused as me bc i've been watching the crab dance to put ur hands up for the past 10 minutes giggling like a little bitch

 

kihyun: i

 

hyunwoo: SHUT UP

 

hyungwon: metro boomin

 

changkyun: pardner i reckon yer a lil bit yeehawphobic

 

minhyuk: yeehawphobic...

 

hoseok: oh my god i jst got reminded of the japanese cannibal

 

hyungwon: is it that old man

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: OH SO ITS THE SAME MAN

 

changkyun: THANKS I HATE IT

 

hyungwon: man here i thought japan had a bunch of cannibalistic fucks running around

 

hyunwoo: i-

 

changkyun: a guy named changkyun got mudered by a man on meth that happened to be a cannibal

 

hyungwon: the prophecy

hyungwon: u must change ur fate

hyungwon: just like how the guild was supposed to be named tiddies but ended up being dreamies

 

changkyun: dreaming of tiddies

 

hyungwon: that's the straightest text you've ever sent

hyungwon: there is literally a guild called PENIS we could have definitely been Tiddies

 

hoseok: smh sad

 

hyunwoo: rip tiddies 2k18

 

kihyun: look.

 

jooheon: you've destroyed the prophecy

 

minhyuk: ur a destroyer of the fates

 

kihyun: BECAUSE OF U

 

hyunwoo: is this suddenly name all the song titles you can?

 

minhyuk: the author must be running out of fillers

 

hoseok: look.

 

kihyun: HAHAHHAHAHAHHHAAHAHHAHAH AHAHAH ur fallin'

 

hoseok: choke

 

kihyun: sorry ,, not into that

 

hyungwon: seokkie is tho

 

kihyun: FIKDMDKDK

 

changkyun: WHATSAGH

 

hoseok: ...

 

minhyuk: THE BETRAYAL

 

jooheon: the SMACK

jooheon: DOWN

 

hoseok: i feel

hoseok: ATTACKED

 

hyungwon: chill ain't no one even put their hands on you yet

 

hoseok: bITvJ

 

hyungwon: NAJSJSJSJJS

 

hoseok: ugh my heart doesn't want to get rid of osiris

 

minhyuk: why not

 

hoseok: the tiddies got me hooked

 

kihyun: FICKKDKF

 

hoseok: also i mean cmon she spawns a pyramid and knocks the fuck out for 3 turns !

 

hyunwoo: STOSNKDK

 

kihyun: she Tries

 

changkyun: yes she does <3

 

kihyun: i need a wind support or smth

 

hoseok: i need a water support

 

minhyuk: i need life support

minhyuk: please help

 

hyungwon: SHUHJSJHDFJ

 

changkyun: why is this game so EXTENSIVE

 

hyungwon: i wanna cry i summoned so much and haven't gotten an ssr

 

changkyun: how do u even get that many crystals

 

hyungwon: u better work binch

 

minhyuk: mary's pretty fat

 

hyunwoo: EXCUSE ME

 

minhyuk: HER TITS

minhyuk: THAT IS

 

 

 

 

**Dreamies Guild Chat**

 

 

 

changkyun: edgelord ft. karen and her plates

 

hoseok: let karen and her plates LIVE

 

kihyun: is this th one wirh 3 fures

kihyun: fires

 

changkyun: 3 furries

 

kihyun: SHUT UO

 

hyungwon: damian doesnt have two hands. i'm lost.

 

minhyuk: so.

minhyuk: ....

 

hoseok: he put 6'2 on his tinder but in reality he's 4'5

 

changkyun: LMAO

 

hyungwon: NSFNJFAJDVDB

 

kihyun: FICKCKC

 

 

 

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

changkyun: i love penis from born to beat my meat ^__^

 

kihyun: I Said Enough.

 

changkyun: hyungwon is born to beat my ass if i don't shut the fuck up

 

hyunwoo: ugh it's so fucking hot i hate summer

 

hyungwon: i'm gonna beat ur ass watch ur ass changkyun

 

changkyun: duly noted

 

jooheon: [12:01am]

jooheon: hyunwoo: oh my JESUS LOVIN' MUD RACIN' SWEET TEA DRINKIN' COUNTRY GALLLLL WHO LOVES HIS MAMA AND WILL SHOOT YA IF YA CALL HIS DOG UGLY-

 

hoseok: JSHTUM UP

 

kihyun: BE QUIRTE

 

hyunwoo: ITSO TRYEU THO

 

hyungwon: JSDHJSHFJK

 

minhyuk: that's fucking beautiful

 

changkyun: that's so dangerous no one should have that amount of power

 

jooheon: i just VAGUELY remember. myself saying "changkyun my new top lipless daddy"

 

hoseok: FUCJSKKK

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> knights chronicle is really abt tiddies


	12. egg lookin' headass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> townkins is a stressful game

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

changkyun: WHICH ONE OF U WHORES HAD MY EGG JAMES BOND PICTURE AS UR PROFILE

 

hyungwon: perhaps twas i

 

changkyun: there's only room for one egg in this town

changkyun: but thansks for being honest skin

 

minhyuk: skin...

minhyuk: what does that mean...

 

hyungwon: foreskin

 

changkyun: hyungwon please politely leave the chat since we don't have the power to remove you

 

hyungwon: incorrect quotation i did not use the contraction "don't" you failed miserably

hyungwon: also didn't say please because we do not use manners in this crackhole

 

kihyun: what

 

hyunwoo: who in the group chat has the most big dick energy

 

kihyun: me

 

hyungwon: is there a buzzfeed quiz for that

 

kihyun: THERE IS

 

_kihyun has sent a link_

 

hyungwon: if u rearrange the letters in BDE u get DEB

 

kihyun: what do i do with that information

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

_hyunwoo has sent an image_

 

_kihyun has sent an image_

 

_jooheon has sent an image_

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: idk ask ur two brain sells and maybe it'll become three brain cells

 

kihyun: i only have half a cell

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: hoseok how romantic would it be if I got 25% big dick energy and together, as a married couple, we would have 100% big dick energy 

 

kihyun: instead you have 175%

 

hoseok: sorry i ain't that confident enough

 

minhyuk: changkyun: thanks skin

minhyuk: me: skin... what does that mean...

minhyuk: hyungwon: foreskin

minhyuk: kihyun: (what does foreskin mean) 

 

jooheon: whys that accurate LMAO

 

hyungwon: I JSUT HAS A REALIZATION

hyungwon: MINHYUK LOVES ASS

 

minhyuk: tiddies? no ma'am

minhyuk: ass

minhyuk: LMAOSKODO

 

hyunwoo: NDAJSKSJDK

 

hyungwon: minhyuk's an ass man

 

jooheon: HAHASHHSHA

 

hoseok: TOWNIKINS MAKES ME WANNA DIE

hoseok: DOE SIT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 5 FUCKING ROPE

 

hyungwon: I HATE IT BECAUSE MY STORAGE SPACE IS SO LIMITED

hyungwon: married life is being able to relate to each other when you're frustrated with a farming game that has a demographic of 11 year olds and 46 year olds

 

hoseok: JSDKFJSK

 

hyungwon: i have like 20 metal plates and 20 rope ugh

 

hoseok: wtf share

 

hyungwon: ur hoe ass doesn't even play anymore

hyungwon: u just keep playing with my feelings

 

hoseok: look.

 

kihyun: I

 

hyungwon: i feel like eating everything in sight

 

jooheon: mood

jooheon: ugh now u made me hungry

 

changkyun: hey wonnie will u eat all of my things

 

hyungwon: um

 

changkyun: you are what you eat...you could be my everything

changkyun: but u playin

 

jooheon: ASDKEKKW

 

hyungwon: ummmmm

 

hoseok: i-

hoseok: does anyone

hoseok: know endearing nicknames

hoseok: that aren't mainstream

 

hyungwon: paul blart mall cop

 

hyunwoo: JSBBSNS

 

kihyun: okay but i was marinating the chicken

kihyun: so while i'm over here smacking the ever living shit out of the oyster sauce bottle

kihyun: and my roommate has the audacity to come outta his musty ass hobbit hole of a room to tell me

kihyun: "its sounds like someone was fucking in the kitchen i was confused"

kihyun: BITCH

kihyun: ugh

kihyun: this household

 

hyunwoo: WHY WOULD HE COME OUT TO SE EIF SMEONE WAS FUCKING

 

jooheon: UR ROOMATES FUCKINJDDJF

 

minhyuk: IM ALYUGHIN

 

hoseok: HYUNWOO YOU BIYC

 

hyunwoo: WJAT ID I DO

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

hoseok: YOU TAGGED ME INTHSI

 

hyunwoo: ITS TRUE

 

hoseok: LOOK.

 

minhyuk: did i just get exposed?

 

jooheon: did this tweet singlehandedly take all of us out?

 

hyungwon: possibly

 

changkyun: us, being shy hoes?

 

kihyun: i-

 

hoseok: 2nd thots came to mind

 

hyungwon: FUCKSKKSK

hyungwon: i watched a lyric vid for 2nd thots and one comment was like "hi i think u made a mistake on the spelling! it's thoughts, not thots"

 

hoseok: LMAO

 

jooheon: THEYRE TOO PURE AWDDDJDSJDJ

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only video that haunts me is hyungwonho performing sexy back


	13. pardner i can't stop everyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> learning new things errday

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

 

hyunwoo: there's this youth pastor that's yeehaw as fuck and he has this super thick ass accent

hyunwoo: he says dadgum

 

changkyun: i didnt read the last word i thought u said he has a thick ass

 

kihyun: ICNJDSAHAJKDHJSF

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: ITS SO UGLY

 

kihyun: CLASS 2-B SHUT UP

 

hoseok: stop making fun of camel oppa >.<

 

hyungwon: WHAT DO I NEED TO SHUT UP FOR

hyungwon: hoseok STOP THATS SO UGLY I WISH I DIDNT READ THAT

 

hoseok: KJDFAFHJD

 

kihyun: DKKDKDDKJKJA

 

changkyun: this girl just sneezed hella loud while testing and i JUMPED

 

hoseok: i used to think bless you was blesh you

 

changkyun: meeee too

 

jooheon: wait...it's NOT blesh you?

jooheon: my life...

 

minhyuk: hey gays

 

jooheon: speak to yourself

 

minhyuk: BOI SHUT UP THATS Y U LOOK LIKE POTATO SKIN

 

kihyun: EXACTLY

 

changkyun: ..

 

jooheon: WHAT FTHE FUCK FUD U SAY.

 

hyunwoo: SOTP HATS WHAT I KEPT THINKING OF TOO

 

hyungwon: potato skin...

 

jooheon: MINHYUK OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER

 

minhyuk: ANYWAYS

minhyuk: watch me suck 

 

hyungwon: excuse me watch u WHAT

 

kihyun: HYUNGWON CNAT BRETAHEHEHE

kihyun: minhyuk meant watch him suck at the GAME

 

minhyuk: fuck u kihyun

 

changkyun: HYUNGWON DELETE THOSE PHOTOS YOU POSTED

 

hoseok: what photo

 

hyungwon: if you report the picture so instagram deletes them then your bloodline is weak and your crops won't survive the winter

 

changkyun: JSDJSDJSDJSJD

changkyun: WINTER JUST ENDED

 

hyungwon: AND SOON YOUR CROPS WILL TOO

 

changkyun: ..

 

hyungwon: fuck ur tomato garden

 

changkyun: FINE I DON'T LIKE TOMATOES ANYWAYS

 

hyungwon: good bc they're going to perish this coming winter

 

jooheon: im driving to a lake tomorrow with the fam

 

minhyuk: have fun

 

hyunwoo: enjoy urself

 

hoseok: have a safe car ride

 

jooheon: i hope i fall down a mountain

 

changkyun: same

changkyun: :)

 

jooheon: i'll fall for you ;-)

 

changkyun: b y e

 

hyungwon: i-

 

kihyun: why are there so many daddy's in my class

kihyun: FUCK

kihyun: danny's

 

hoseok: DADDYS

 

minhyuk: YOO KIHYUN ARE YOU HIDING SOMEHTUIBG FROM US

 

hyunwoo: IM YELLINH FNAKJFHSJDFH

hyunwoo: okay i'm gonna rant

hyunwoo: so my friend keeps trying to get me to go everywhere with her but i don't want to go because i'm busy and she yelled at me today saying i don't like her anymore and that i'm fake and i just ???

hyunwoo: like i don't have the time and don't you have other friends? i told her already but man :/

hyunwoo: and she's trying so much to make my life a living hell now

 

hoseok: wow that's fucking harsh of her wtf

 

hyungwon: if you feel that things will get worse, talk it out with her and let her know how you feel too. friendships are just like relationships, it takes 2 people to make it work with effort and sincerity. if things still aren't working, let her go. you'll be perfectly okay

 

minhyuk: DROP THAT BITCH WOO

minhyuk: I'D RING HER FUCKING NECK

minhyuk: fuckinnn grab her AND SLING HER

 

hoseok: CHILD NO VIOLENCE PLEASE

 

hyunwoo: two kinds of people LMAO

hyunwoo: but thank you guys

 

hyungwon: we love you

 

kihyun: we're always here!

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: who the fuck said blazina joyce

 

hoseok: NJDJJDDJNSDN

 

changkyun: you

 

kihyun: you

 

changkyun: ICNABGBSZT

 

hoseok: I CNAT BRWTHE

 

hyungwon: damn no wonder i hate myself

 

jooheon: god why is this chat so fucking crazy

 

hoseok: the author wonders too

 

kihyun: her brain is fried reading all the screenshots

 

hyunwoo: us, crackheads? more likely than you think

 

minhyuk: we love the 4th wall ugh

 

hyungwon: she's putting these shitty fillers because the kik screenshots from 2015 make no damn sense 

 

hoseok: LOOK. 

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: is that a duxkboy

minhyuk: in my christian suburbs

 

hoseok: the legendary duccboi

hoseok: BUT HOW

 

changkyun: quack quock who wants my cock

 

hyungwon: LEAVE

 

hyunwoo: G O O D B Y E

 

kihyun: MY EYEGADBJAS WHY

 

jooheon: PLEASE LEAVE WE CANNOT KICK YOU OUY

 

hoseok: we don't have MANNERS in this crackhole

 

minhyuk: i've never wanted to DIE until now

 

changkyun: me, the most powerful man EVER. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incomparable and blind make me feel things


	14. banana cupcakes are superior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we living in a world where people eat spoonfuls of buttercream frosting by itself yUCK

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

changkyun: THIS WACK ASS PICTURE OF ME REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING BUT I CANT PUT MY FINGER ON IT

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: kdkdk CHANGKYUN LAMIO

 

hyungwon: lamio

 

jooheon: lamio

 

kihyun: lamio...

 

minhyuk: fuck off

 

hoseok: my auntie brought cake and there's an excessive amount of buttercream frosting on it

hoseok: i like the salted peanut butter frosting my mom makes for her banana cupcakes

 

hyunwoo: there's banana cupcakes? i thought only muffins?

 

minhyuk: you thot wrong!

 

kihyun: i-

 

hyungwon: buttercream is too sweet

 

hoseok: agreed

 

hyungwon: our minds

 

hoseok: we really out here being married and flaunting our flawless opinions

hoseok: my husband really understands me !

 

changkyun: does anyone have a picture of squidward...

 

kihyun: uh....its somewhere

 

minhyuk: LDKD LMAOO

minhyuk: "somewhere"

 

kihyun: LOOK .

kihyun: I SAVE.. A LOT OF THINGS

 

hyungwon: 6k

 

changkyun: ICNANTBTSATSH

 

kihyun: SHUT THE FUCK UP

kihyun: THIS IS CYBER BULLYING

kihyun: I HATE YOU ALL

kihyun: I DONT HAVE 6K

kihyun: WHORES

kihyun: IM LEAVING

 

hyungwon: i'm sorry you're right

hyungwon: it was 6 thousand and sixty photos

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

kihyun: I DONT

 

hoseok: im living

 

kihyun: i am not

 

hyunwoo: must suck to suck

 

jooheon: hi i got back from showering

 

kihyun: did you slip

 

jooheon: no i got water in my ears

 

minhyuk: why are you watering ur ears

 

jooheon: im trying to grow flowers

 

kihyun: so he can have big ears

 

jooheon: be FUCKING SUPPORTIVE

jooheon: don't speak for me beetle boy

 

kihyun: you bitch

 

minhyuk: FIDCDJKDJ

 

hoseok: BUG DADDY

 

kihyun: SHUT UP NO ONE SENF THAT PCUTURE

 

hyunwoo: y not ://

 

hyungwon: hey BIGEARS

hyungwon: omg altair is that u

 

hoseok: FUCKSKSJC

 

changkyun: SHIU TOP

 

hyungwon: dumbo ears

 

changkyun: STOP

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: does anyone have pictures of these people

 

kihyun: what for

 

changkyun: do you need them now

 

hyungwon: i only know like maybe 3 of those people

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

jooheon: oh dear god

 

minhyuk: high quality too

 

hoseok: i have nothing but christian yu...

 

hyungwon: me...

 

hyunwoo: why is that a big mood

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: kihyun

minhyuk: i

minhyuk: i'd suck his toes

 

hoseok: we love grainy pictures

hoseok: NSNDNDNSI

 

kihyun: goodbye, minhyuk

 

minhyuk: goodbye!

 

kihyun: WOW

 

hyunwoo: that's big dick energy at its finest

 

hyungwon: he comes through with these.....it's quiet

 

hyunwoo: not the sucking toes

hyunwoo: but Christian

 

jooheon: i-

 

hyungwon: homeboy comes thru with THEEEESSSSEEEE

 

_minhyuk has sent a video_

 

hyungwon: oh yeah kinda OT but i told my other friend that jay park was my sugar daddy and tbh he's the kinda person who's really gullible and eats that kinda shit up so he really thinks i'm jay's sugar baby and i wish it were true

 

changkyun: god i wish that was me

 

hyunwoo: same

 

_kihyun has sent an image_

 

jooheon: he really gives no fucks for people with asthma !

 

kihyun: shut up

 

jooheon: bitch took my breath away

 

hyunwoo: so my friend just asked me my preference in race um.

 

hoseok: uhhh

 

minhyuk: um

 

hoseok: alien

 

hyunwoo: i said pulse

hyunwoo: usually

 

hoseok: because no human on this sad excuse of a society damaging this planet deserves my love

hoseok: besides yall

 

hyungwon: turns out u ARE bae

 

hoseok: why are we reusing jokes from previous chapters 

hoseok: we really are stupid LMAO

 

hyungwon: EMKSKSKSJS

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep forgetting to update OOP surprise


	15. cucumber zaddy <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> on this chapter of "what the fuck is going on", we're going to discover the magic of cRACKHEADS.

**crackhead tiddies**

 

 

 

 

jooheon: we really need a new gc name

jooheon: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

 _jooheon has changed the chat name to_ **HAMily**

 

 

 

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

jooheon: ugh it's beautiful 

 

changkyun: woah

 

hoseok: is this a new...name

 

hyungwon: are we no longer crackheads

 

hyunwoo: we def still are

 

kihyun: we're a HAMily nOW

 

minhyuk: oHAMa means HAMily

 

hoseok: good god

 

changkyun: barack oHAMa

 

hyunwoo: god can't save us

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: ur just watching the waves crash

hyungwon: its like that little girl watching her house burn down

 

changkyun: FUCKDNDJNDBFJDDBGB

 

hoseok: but waves kill every year

 

hyungwon: bc they're too GNARLY

 

hoseok: SURFS UP BROS

 

hyunwoo: this guy just sat next me in the cafe and asked if i was still down to go skinny dipping i'm ??? what ??

hyunwoo: and now he's hurt bc i told him idk who he is

 

changkyun: whats his @

changkyun: five bucks its the same dude who ate a taco salad out of a cardboard box in hyungwon's building

 

minhyuk: FUCKDJKKJ

 

jooheon: drop the @

jooheon: IM DJAHDJKAHDJA

 

kihyun: STOPDJFKDK

 

hyungwon: do y'all have eyes

 

hoseok: no

 

hyunwoo: no

 

changkyun: sadly

 

kihyun: if one person calls me soft again IM GOING TO PUNCH MY DAMN PILLOW

 

hyungwon: us: th-

hyungwon: kihyun: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHY DO YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH

 

hyunwoo: Kihyun: I'm not soft

hyunwoo: Kihyun: *does something soft*

hyunwoo: Kihyun: fuck off I'm a tough man you fucking bitch

 

changkyun: ICNANBTTFUKISJSJGBREEEHATHH

 

minhyuk: hoseok why are you so fucking fjsskjhfsk

 

hoseok: excuse me 

 

minhyuk: hoseok: you make me nervous, you make me crave your touch, you make me want to pick the stars for you.

minhyuk: also hoseok: but you and me ain't happening smh

 

hoseok: THAT WAS 2 MONTHS AGO SHUT UP

 

jooheon: i-

 

kihyun: hello gays i am bored

 

changkyun: hello i am eating eggs

changkyun: hell o i am eating deviled eggs

 

kihyun: What Are You Trying To Gain

 

hoseok: the power to fight you

 

changkyun: Proof

 

hoseok: the devil himself

 

changkyun: remember when kihyun said he'd knock the wind out of me

 

hoseok: yes

 

kihyun: yeah and what about it

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

hoseok: y'all finna throw it down at someone's bachelor party or baby shower LMAOOO

 

changkyun: baby shower

 

kihyun: janets baby shower

 

changkyun: WHO THE FUCK IS JANET

changkyun: damnit janet i love you

 

kihyun: FUCK OFF JANET IM NOT GOING TO YOUR FUCKING BABY SHOWER

 

jooheon: who the fuck-

 

minhyuk: id pay to see kihyun get TOSSED

 

hyunwoo: i feel like changkyun might get tossed instead yunno

 

hoseok: i just got handed the biggest cucumber i've ever seen

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: big boy

changkyun: WHATS R TUC J

changkyun: WHAT THE FUCK

 

kihyun: WGTT HEBFUCJCK

 

hyungwon: uhhhhh pls give it a nsfw warning before showing us

 

changkyun: GJGJJKFGD

 

kihyun; FUCKJKJSJKJ

 

hoseok: [NSFW CUCUMBER]

 

kihyun: Kinda Too Late For That.

 

hoseok: i feel that if i could swing this at someones head i might be able to knock them out

 

hyungwon: knock me out zaddy

 

hoseok: SJHSJKDHSKD

hoseok: why is it so BIG

hoseok: i don't even know what we're growing in this garden

 

hyungwon: mutant ass cucumbers

hyungwon: what's in california's soil

 

kihyun: people

 

hyunwoo: woah there...

 

jooheon: uhhhh

 

hoseok: if someone had a dong this big i would break up immediately

hoseok: this shit's scary

 

hyungwon: it's just excessively big

hyungwon: for no reason

 

jooheon: how would you even use it?

 

kihyun: Why Are We Talking About This

 

hoseok: because the cucumber is on my lap and i'm arriving to a birthday party with it in my hands

 

hyunwoo: you could make like 27 cucumber salads

 

hyungwon: if they have a pinata

hyungwon: just give them the cucumber

hyungwon: no need for a stick

 

kihyun: no i meant the first thing u said , 

 

hoseok: oh the dong?

 

hyungwon: ding dong the cucumbers long

 

kihyun: SFUCK STHU TUP

 

minhyuk: HELLO 

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: THIS IS BIG DICK ENERGY

 

hoseok: MSKNAKJSHD

 

kihyun: FUCKSLAJDJAL

 

hoseok: LMAO WHEN I WALKED IN EVERYONE WAS LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT"

hoseok: anyways these kebabs are good

 

minhyuk: i love chicken kebabs omg

 

hoseok: i'm eating a chicken kebab

 

minhyuk: REALLY 

 

hoseok: MINHYUK ARE YOU THE FUCKING SOMALI DEVIL

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 5 chapters left nerds...school is nearing and about to suck my soul out my athhh !


	16. bow chika bow wow!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y are there fucking ghosts EVERYWHERE we play too damn much

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

 _changkyun has sent an image_  

 

minhyuk: braceface train tracks

 

changkyun: .

 

kihyun: :D

 

changkyun: >:-(

 

kihyun: D:

 

changkyun: >:-)

 

kihyun: >:|

 

changkyun: :p

 

kihyun: wtf r we doing

 

changkyun: writing a novel

 

changkyun: :0

 

hyunwoo: :O

 

changkyun: :o

 

hyunwoo: :()

 

hyunwoo: Im at the cafe and im literally cackling reading what minhyuk said at the picture

 

changkyun: DJSKDJSKJDSK

 

minhyuk: ily

 

kihyun: novel by: hyunwoo and changkyun

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: i love art

 

changkyun: im bothered the table only has three legs

 

hyungwon: That's all it needs to stand your criticism

 

hoseok: i-

 

minhyuk: y'all

minhyuk: movie star planet is a lesbian tinder?

minhyuk: conspiracy

 

jooheon: i'm sorry what

 

changkyun: grindr...

 

hyungwon: scissr...

 

jooheon: FUCSIJDKSDJKSJ

 

hoseok: omg let me test how well y'all know earth

hoseok: question : what the fuck is the capital of paraguay

 

kihyun: portugal

kihyun: im sorry class

 

hyunwoo: isn't portugal a whole ass country...

 

hoseok:...portugal is in europe fool

hoseok: NEXT !

 

hyungwon: **** *** ****!

 

kihyun: what

 

minhyuk: bird are cool

 

changkyun: guys omg i found minecraft asmr

 

hyunwoo: why are you watching minecraft...asmr...

 

jooheon: minecraft what

 

hoseok: theres asmr for...minecraft

 

jooheon: yall i swear to fucking whatever theres a ghost in my kitchen

 

hyungwon: r u sure it aint a demon

 

hoseok: go get ur damn food

 

kihyun: yeah what if a demon breaks in 

 

jooheon: but like I'm scared

 

hyungwon: ya what if kihyun breaks in!

 

jooheon: yeah kihyun what if u br

 

kihyun: SHUT UPDJSMN

 

jooheon: I WA STYPING THAT

 

changkyun: kihyun: goo goo ga ga

 

kihyun: I HATE YOU ALL

 

minhyuk: y does that remind me of the phineas and ferb tsong

 

hyungwon: bow chika bow wow

hyungwon: that's what my baby says!

 

changkyun: thats what my baby said

 

kihyun: MY TMSTOMAJCJ

 

jooheon: LMAO

 

changkyun: MOW MOW MOW AND MY HEART STARTS PUMPING

 

hoseok: CHICKA CHICKA CHOO WOW

 

hyunwoo: NEVER GONNA STOP

 

kihyun: SHUR UO I AHTW U SO MUCH

 

minhyuk: GITCHY GITCHY GOO MEANS I LOVE YOU

 

hyungwon: omg yall i might be late to the set im gonna fucking cry

hyungwon: me: "hahah yeah i'll just make a simple hat and wear a casual outfit"

hyungwon: me, on my way to the photoshoot: "i will eat my own FOOT if walmart ran out of rhinestones and stickers"

 

minhyuk: KDKKDKDKD

 

hoseok: LMAOOOO

hoseok: PROFESSOR PROVIDENCE

 

changkyun: rhode island

 

hyunwoo: i now have banana ice cream

hyunwoo: and strawberry

 

changkyun: omg do u think bees are white people because they're colonizers

 

kihyun: LEAVE MDNFSHFKS

 

jooheon: what the fuck is going on im lost

 

minhyuk: FUCKKSDSJDKS CHANGKYUN

 

hyungwon: fuck

hyungwon: so im at the park for the shoot

hyungwon: and i heard barking and i looked around to find the dog but turns out it was a fucking four year old girl

 

changkyun: furries start early

 

hyungwon: ya u sure did

 

kihyun: FUCKDJDKF

 

hyunwoo: fucking hell

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 chapters went to 25...i have sum plans...


	17. wax my (coco)nuts <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> public service announcement uhhhh we finna die!

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

hyunwoo: My aunt lives near a stable

 

minhyuk: what does that have to do with anything

 

jooheon: what is the point of that statement

 

kihyun: where did this come frm

 

hyungwon: my aunt IS a stable

 

hoseok: WHAT

 

kihyun: SHUT UPUPLFKSJFKJKS

 

minhyuk: i was at the book store and i'm jus scanning through random books

minhyuk: this one chapter in this one book literally said "don't cum in my eye" and i fucking tossed it over 2 shelves

 

hoseok: DONT CUM IN MY EYE

 

hyunwoo: IM YELLING

 

changkyun: fUCSKDKSKDJ WHAT BOOK WAS THAT

 

minhyuk: DONT ASK ME NERSD

 

changkyun: so i got bangs and i look WORSE idk if i should laugh or cru

changkyun: cry

 

minhyuk: LET ME SEE

 

kihyun: i doubt it

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: DUDE WERRE LIKE BANGING OUT

minhyuk: WAIT NO THAT SOUNDED WEIRD

 

changkyun: BANGING OUT

 

kihyun: SKDKCKVV

 

changkyun: ya minnie and i are banging

 

minhyuk: definitely ((;;

 

changkyun: hey boy r u in band because i'll hit ur drums and blow ur trumpet and slide ur trombone any day

 

hyungwon: delete that

 

jooheon: thats so ,, ugly stop

 

changkyun: this is HOMOPHOBIC !

 

hoseok: i can't believe u made us read that with our own eyes

 

kihyun: ur on thin fucking ice changkyun !

kihyun: but coke back and show us kyunnie!

kihyun: COME BACK

kihyun: LMAO

 

hoseok: COKE BACK

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

 

hoseok: y'all wanna do some lines...off my back frfr?

 

jooheon: SHUT UP DFHSJKHDSJF

 

changkyun: should i play sims or save skz pics

 

kihyun: both

 

hyungwon: just because he has (2) brain sells doesn't mean he's able to multitask

 

jooheon: don't put so much faith in him kihyun

 

hyunwoo: am i the only one still waiting for the pictures

 

changkyun: OKAY hold on

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: plz dont laugh at me

 

minhyuk: @ the coconut

 

hyunwoo: why is that coconut so fucking hairy

hyunwoo: like ur balls

 

kihyun: EXCUSE ME WHAT

 

changkyun: felt cute in this might delete later

 

hoseok: WHOS BALLS

 

hyunwoo: idk anyones

 

changkyun: i am balls

 

minhyuk: cheese balls

 

hyungwon: i watched a video where btob was on a boat with this man who like...dehaired a coconut with his bare teeth

 

jooheon: it was me LMAO

 

hyungwon: damn joo what dat mouf do

 

kihyun: ,

kihyun: yeah anyway

 

jooheon: nothing because my mouth is sore frm my braces

 

hoseok: damn joo what them gums do

 

jooheon: GOODBYE

 

hyunwoo: FUCKKSCJSK STOP

 

hoseok: omg why do i look like those guys who wear bamboo hats with the little manbun sticking out the top

 

kihyun: SROP

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: THATS SO CUTE

 

jooheon: that shit look cute as fuck

 

changkyun: omg yall

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

minhyuk: LMAO IT GOT DEHAIRED

 

hyunwoo: naked ,, coconut

 

hoseok: wax my coconuts zaddy <3 

 

hyungwon: thats so ugly never say that again

 

kihyun: LEAVE HDFHSJFHJFHSJ

kihyun: god i wish i didn't have eyes

 

hyungwon: me too 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broken heart and if only really out here making my heart sob n shit smh


	18. farmersonly.com

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> married culture is virtually farming together

**HAMily**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

changkyun: ugh i'm so funny

 

kihyun: uh huh yeah totally

 

changkyun: smh

 

minhyuk: pst

 

hoseok: ???

 

jooheon: whats going on

 

changkyun: public service anninncemnt

changkyun: wait

 

hyungwon: i read it as "i'm so ugly" and i was about to say "ur not!" but it was actually "i'm so funny" so i'm here to say "ur not!"

 

kihyun: FUKXKSJDKNF

 

changkyun: ...

 

hyungwon: ugh i find it funny how everyone in townkins is always like "please give wendell some butter for his bread uwu poor man needs his milk" for quests and then you go to wendell and he's deadass like "what the FUCK do you want AGAIN"

 

hoseok: wendell yells at me to stop blocking the damn train platform

hoseok: he's so mean

 

hyungwon: ungrateful ass that's why his own grandson didn't even wanna move into town smh

 

hoseok: that's why his grandson used a parachute instead of the train so he wouldn't see his mean ass grandfather

 

hyungwon: FUCDKDKKSKDKKS

hyungwon: he risked brain damage

 

hoseok: he risked dying fym

hoseok: boy crash landed

hoseok: LMAO HE RISKED FUCKING DYING INSTEAD OF TAKING THE DAMN TRAIN UGH

 

changkyun: wait birds say kakaw

 

kihyun: UR DUMB

 

minhyuk: yes

 

hyunwoo: si!

 

hyungwon: bitch bats screech wtf

 

kihyun: bats go squeak squeak

 

changkyun: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

kihyun: why are professors in pokemon named after trees

 

minhyuk: professor birch is that you ??

 

hyungwon: listen minhyuk respect the fuckin trees or the lorax is comin for ur ass instead of demons

 

jooheon: i wanna be one of those big trees in the forest bc they radiate big dick energy

 

hyunwoo: JFSFHDHFJSHFJ

 

changkyun: my cousins wife was pregnant and they wanted to name their kid after a tree so they were thinking about hazel or willow and GUESS what i suggested

 

hyungwon: senile old fuckin tree man

 

changkyun: spruce lee

 

hyunwoo: GOODBYE

 

hoseok: oh god

 

minhyuk: ugh i just got reminded about how parents would tell their kids scary stories when they weren't listening or if they're misbehaving

minhyuk: and like the reactions are so funny

 

hoseok: oh like that one lady from the river

hoseok: or was it a creek

 

minhyuk: OH YEAH i read abt that it's like la llorona or smth

minhyuk: and i think it was a lake

 

hoseok: ugh stop that reminds me of that one time when my uncle fished up a severed head on highway 112

 

kihyun: oh hell

kihyun: when ur what fished up what on what

 

jooheon: DJSKDJSKDJSK HOSEOK

 

hyungwon: when his highway 112 fished up an uncle on a severed head honestly use ur context clues kihyun

 

kihyun: SJKSDJKJFKS

kihyun: I WAS SO CONFUSED ON WHAT U WERE SYAING FUCJ

kihyun: SHUT  UP HYUNGWON

 

hoseok: lmao remember when we with with our friends and lori was like "what ghosts do laotians even have"

hoseok: and sen said "honestly what do we even have"

 

hyungwon: FUSCKSKCKJ and then sen said "nothing because laotians are already demons!"

 

jooheon: LMAOOOO

 

hyunwoo: FUKCKSJADKJKS

 

minhyuk: OH MYGNOD F

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

_  
_

hoseok: hyungwon i saw ur headass in my newspaper selling shit on townkins 

 

hyungwon: omg my nutz

 

hoseok: SHUT IPKFKDFJGKJ

 

kihyun: PLEA E

kihyun: WEHRE ARE OU BRAINS

 

hyunwoo: found dead in a ditch

 

hyungwon: COME HELP MY LOLLIPOP BOUTIQUE

 

hoseok: we really went from gaia to townkins

 

hyungwon: ugh punk rock boy and his fairy prince bf with matching valkyrie wings <3 name a better duo i'll wait

 

 

 

 

 

**Town Chat [Townkins]**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

 

 **[25]** hoseok: feed ur 2 chickens they look hungry, depressed, and sleep deprived

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: this game is stressful

 

 **[25]** hoseok: no shit i almost pulled my hair out earlier

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: I CANT IDIFDIKSJD I DONT HAVE FOOD

 **[27]** hyungwon: i made too much pork feed and one whole mill is just full of pork feed

 

 **[25]** hoseok: open this damn package 

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: i love u and hate u 

 

 **[25]** hoseok: i-

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: two seated scooter and i cant even join u on it smh

 **[27]** hyungwon: this is homophobi c

 **[27]** hyungwon: u need some milk b i have 21

 

 **[25]** hoseok: its ur own fucking scooter too lmaooo

 **[25]** hoseok: b i have 10 dancing cows im good

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: i maimwniedmie

 **[27]** hyungwon: vroom vroom b im out!

 

 **[25]** hoseok: are u okay somali demon is that u

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: F J CK

 

 **[25]** hoseok: damn is this chapter really just the 2 of us playing townkins?

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: mx playing a farming game is such a concept

 

 **[25]** hoseok: ugh minhyuk barely even plays

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: have you ever cried over clam chowder

 

 **[25]** hoseok: yes

 

 **[27]** hyungwon: because thats me rn n this damn boat order 

 

 **[25]** hoseok: thats ruff b

 

 

 

 

**HAMily**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

hyunwoo: they really left to play townkins huh

 

kihyun: married culture

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh...townkins is a farming game that's so fucking stressful i might have grey hairs because of it...


	19. wax play is hot (quite literally)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we talk about spotifly playlists and wax...

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

minhyuk: what does it mean when someone sends you a spotify playlist

 

hoseok: it means they wanna shlong ur dong

 

kihyun: what kind of playlost

kihyun: playlist

kihyun: SHUT THE CUFMKFISOP

 

minhyuk: well idk i haven't opened it

 

hoseok: a meteor is on a crash collision course with earth in 2019 so it's okay !

 

minhyuk: it's okay y'all i'm dying TODAY

 

hoseok: i hope it drops on my fucking head

 

jooheon: ive gotten two random calls today and im scared

jooheon: i declined both

 

hyungwon: one of them was me

 

jooheon: oh worm

jooheon: wait they're both in my area code though should i call back

 

kihyun: "yes this is pizza hut"

 

jooheon: STIP I HAD PIZZA HUT YESTERSAYJDFJ

jooheon: I CALLED JT BACK AND IT SAID THAT THE CALL COULDNT GO THROUGH

 

kihyun: FUCKJDKFSJKLF

 

jooheon: MARTY IM SCARED

 

hyungwon: you just got swerved by a demon how you feel?

 

minhyuk: DKKDFKDJFKDJ ONE OF THE SONGS ON THE PLAYLIST IS LEGIT ABOYT SEX

 

jooheon: MARTY IM SCARED x2

 

kihyun: WJAT THE FUCK

 

hyungwon: KSKKSKSKS

 

minhyuk: I CANT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

 

hyungwon: small peen vibes 

 

minhyuk: I REALLY NEED TO GO TO PRACTICE 

 

kihyun: THEN GO

 

minhyuk: I skipped and now Lemonade-Ukelele Version

minhyuk: FUCK I HATE IT

minhyuk: ITS A FULL ON LOVE SONG

minhyuk: IM PRETTY SURE THIS DUDE HAS A GF

 

hyungwon: ILL PRETEND TO BE UR LOVER

 

minhyuk: PLZ ONC

minhyuk: HE THOIGHT THAG HYUNWOO WAS MY BF BECAUSE I NEVER POSTED PICS OF HIM BUT I ALWASY PUT "H*****o <3" on my streaks LMAOOOO

 

hyungwon: "so u dedicating lemonade to my boy minnie? u think ur slick huh? he only drinks organic limeade u stupid piece of shit"

 

hyunwoo: hello i saw my name

hyunwoo: FUCSKALJFLDSK

 

minhyuk: SJFKDJFSJKF

minhyuk: o k before i go ta*min radiates big dick energy

 

kihyun: i do

kihyun: oh

 

minhyuk: LMAOOO CIAO

 

kihyun: HVAE FUN

 

hoseok: does anyone wanna play townkins...with...me

 

hyungwon: lmaoo

hyungwon: we'll play once i get ome in like 45 <3

 

hoseok: mkay <3 uhhh do you happen to have 1 spare rope

 

hyungwon: binch u know i do

 

hoseok: i-

 

kihyun: i am bored and hungry and my head hurts and i WANT TO D I E

 

hoseok: drink some water n eat ki!

 

hyungwon: also i left my bags in the car and my yankee candles almost completely melted haha i love being a mess

hyungwon: what hoseok said

hyungwon: we'd be such gr8 parents ugh i love us

 

hoseok: ugh reminds me when i left my eos in the car and i opened it when i got back and hot wax spilled all over my hands

 

hyungwon: kinky

 

kihyun: married culture

kihyun: ms wifi

kihyun: ms wifi pls.

 

hyungwon: miss wee fee

 

hoseok: MS WIFI PLEASE LET KIHYUN HAVE A SMOOTH DAY THAAANK YOU

 

kihyun: KDSJKJF

 

hoseok: ew did you just say kinky because wax play exists

 

hyungwon: ya it's Hot

hyungwon: haha literally

 

kihyun: w..wax play...

 

hyungwon: they make special candles for that shit

hyungwon: i mean

hyungwon: have y'all ever watched that video of how decorative candles are made??

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hoseok: that shit looks trippy

hoseok: ugh imagine candle making while high

 

hyungwon: u would dip ur whole hand in wax

hyungwon: "lmfao jerry look at this shit my hand looks like baybel cheese"

 

minhyuk: HELLO

 

kihyun: YOU HAV PRACTICE WHAT ARE YOU DOSNDVFGSH

 

hoseok: LMAO i was looking at my dms and the top one said "i love you seok" and i was like who the fuck but iTS ****** OOP

 

changkyun: HWTA IS GOING ON

changkyun: WHAT ARE YALL TALKING ABOUT

 

hyungwon: HELLO CRACKHEAD

 

changkyun: F UCK U

 

kihyun: RE YO OKAY

 

minhyuk: I KNOW BUT I DONT WAN TO BE HERE

 

hyungwon: MINHYUK GO PRACTICE DFKFJSK

hyungwon: who told u they loved u hoseok i'll fuckin fite them

hyungwon: tryna snatch my punk rock husband no sir not in this lifetime

 

changkyun: i'm fine thank you

 

hoseok: someone irrelevant 

 

minhyuk: NW I REALLW GOT TO GO

minhyuk: GOODBYEEE

 

hyungwon: bye luv u have fun drink water step on bitches who don't like being stepped on

 

changkyun: LMAOOJFVJDHGJDH

 

hyunwoo: i-

hyunwoo: i'm lost

 

changkyun: did you back read

 

hyunwoo:...

hyunwoo: yeah i'll b back

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: WHAT THE FUCK

changkyun: 2COOL4U

 

hoseok: DJFJKJSFJS I CANT BRAETEH I FOUND MY OLD BIRTHDAY CARDS FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL

 

kihyun: Hair: All Over!

 

hoseok: OU MYNGOD ONE OF THE CARDS IS A BTSD ONE IAND ITS SO CRINGY WHO AGEV TME TUIS

 

kihyun: EXPIRATION: Fur Ever!

 

changkyun: Monkeytown, USA

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: MY GOLDEN JAMS I GIVE TO YOU

 

hoseok: I CANY FUCKINGI BREATHE

hoseok: OHD MY FOS

 

hyungwon: i'm at taco bell with my mom and the lady asked for my mom's name and she said it and the lady was like "...hades?"

hyungwon: bye i'm really gonna die today

 

jooheon: OMDSFDJSHJFSH

jooheon: UR GOMFMNA FUCKDAIUNG DIE

 

hyunwoo: MY LUNHJDGFHSDGFH

hyunwoo: IM GOING TO SLEEP BUT BE SASSY

 

hoseok: I STILL DONT KNOW WHO SENT M RTHIS CARD

 

hyungwon: "my golden clams i give to you" me when i need clams to make chowder for my boat orders

 

kihyun: STOPGJFK

kihyun: I THOUGHT IT SAID DAMS

 

hyungwon: shut up kihyun you don't even knw the struggle

 

minhyuk: LMAOOO

 

hyungwon: minhyuk what are U DOING HERE GO TO PRACTICE

 

minhyuk: LOKKGLKHJKJH

 

hyunwoo: please GO

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to delete the previous stuff because it was too much work hfajfhjkshf
> 
>  
> 
> uhhh but go read my oneshot "a velleity of your love" thanks <3


	20. shut the FUCK UP FURRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> werewolf is competitive and not everyone are slobs

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hoseok: that's the first time i've seen kali EVER

 

hyungwon: i think cali is one of the few advent heroes who are actually useful in battle

hyungwon: kali

hyungwon: also she's hot

 

hoseok: she's stunning

hoseok: i want her to make my chest cave in and break my ribs

 

hyungwon: stop u make me sound like i'm some sleazy dude

 

hoseok: JDHSJKHFJSDH

 

hyungwon: me, slurring my words: uR HOT DAM NICKI UR BOBBIESSSS

hyungwon: hoseok: actually, she's stunning and her parents must be so proud for having such a gifted daughter in beauty as well as kicking ass.

 

kihyun: BITCH I CANT BRBEYSHJEKR

 

hoseok: FUCKKSKSKS

 

_kihyun has started a video chat_

_Video chat ended._

 

kihyun: WHT THE FUCK IS THIS NEW

 

jooheon: HUH

jooheon: GOD THATS SO UGLY WHY

 

hyunwoo: why the FUCK

hyunwoo: woah whats that

 

changkyun: why is there a call feature now-

 

kihyun: uhhhh

 

_kihyun has started a video chat._

_Video chat ended._

 

hoseok: KIHYUN.

 

hyungwon: kihyun.

 

kihyun: oh my god what th FUCK

 

hyungwon: OUR MINDS.

 

hoseok: ugh our minds

hoseok: OH MY GOD

 

kihyun: CIKDKFKD

 

hyungwon: STOP I WAS GOINF TO SAY UGH TOO BUT I DIDNT

 

hoseok: we are really THAT power couple

 

kihyun: can't relate

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: HOPE U BALD FKKFJKDJ

 

hoseok: HOPE UR BALD I CANT JADKJFAK

 

kihyun: STOPDJFKSDJFKS

 

hyungwon: BITCH TAKE THAT BACK

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: black pink is jobless

 

hoseok: blackpink is jobless

hoseok: i-

hoseok: BITCH

 

hyungwon: can this please STOP

 

minhyuk: this sum somali demon shit

 

hyunwoo: hoes get on plato we're playing werewolf

 

jooheon: k

 

hyungwon: ya'll dying

 

minhyuk: YOU BITCHES KILLED ME OFF

 

hoseok: LOOK

hoseok: U KNEW TOO MUCH

 

minhyuk: YALL SOME MONSTERS

 

changkyun: i HATE WEREWOLF THIS IS CONFUSING

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: biggest dick energy

hyungwon: massive cucumber energy

 

changkyun: gargantuan tree energy

 

hoseok: DO YOU EVER JUST BE ALIVE TO FLEX ON MINHYUK JKJKHFSKFHSKF

 

changkyun: FUCKSDFKLSJSJ

 

minhyuk: WOW

 

 

 

**hyungwon - hoseok**

 

 

 

_hyungwon has replied to your story_

 

hyungwon: i'll snap ur back in two daddy

 

hoseok: thanks b its making my ass FLAT

 

 

 

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

kihyun: is that a hunger games simulator

 

jooheon: lmao "evil jooheon sets off an explosive killing jooheon"

 

hyunwoo: JDJDJDJJSDJD i died by CLIMBING A TREE I-

 

hyungwon: hoseok looks at the night sky like a hopeless romantic smh

hyungwon: people die in the hunger games, hoseok.

 

hoseok: and i'm looking at the night sky to flex on everyone who died, hyungwon.

 

minhyuk: u ever just flex about something so that u can flex?

 

kihyun: u ever just give up on flexing

 

changkyun: me: trying to go to sleep

changkyun: me:

changkyun: my last braincell: FLEX

changkyun: me:

 

hyunwoo: u mean brain sells

 

kihyun: shut up

 

hyunwoo: watch it bug boy

 

kihyun: OH FUCK OFF

 

hyungwon: ugh hamily should start our own yt gaming channel where we just scream at each other playing multiplayer games

 

jooheon: or us doing dumb shit in general

 

hoseok: HAM_seokkie

 

hyungwon: anyone:

hyungwon: minhyuk, through the headset: THEY'RE TOO FUCKING QUIET THEY'RE THE FUCKING FURRY LETS KILL THEM

 

minhyuk: STTPRPFJSJ

 

hoseok: JSFSFHSFD

 

kihyun: we're all gonna be HAM [name]

kihyun: OH MY GOFGNBSDFAJN

 

jooheon: HDJHSHS

 

hyunwoo: HJSHDSH

 

hyungwon: okay but why'd jooheon and hyunwoo send the same text but remixed

 

hoseok: ugh we'd have to buy games

hoseok: oh my god ur right

 

kihyun: that's scary

 

hoseok: s-somali demon oppa...pls...spare

 

hyungwon: ugh what games are out for broke bitches like us

hyungwon: SHUFTHE FUCK UO HOSEOKSDKI HAYE YOU

hyungwon: SOMALI DEMON OPPA ARE YOU FUCKINF SERIOUS

 

hoseok: KHFKSHFKSDH

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this messy


	21. but i thot u were homo ?!?!?!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get a bit freaky if ya know what i mean

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

_hyunwoo has sent a video_

 

minhyuk: cook for me daddy

 

hyungwon: that's what good pussy sounds like

hyungwon: thizzle~ pop~

 

kihyun: STOPLKFL

 

hyunwoo: FSKSFKSK

 

minhyuk: also hyunwoo what is that

 

hyunwoo: bacon lol

 

minhyuk: ur eating bacon

minhyuk: i thot u were gay

 

hyunwoo: BITCH I HATW YOU BFDNBFDNF

 

minhyuk: we lost one of our gays in here to bacon

minhyuk: guess it's just changkyun and i as the survivors !

 

hyungwon: changkyun has the meats though...

 

minhyuk: sausages look like dicks so the gays are still winning !

 

hyunwoo: JDGJDHGJDFH

 

jooheon: FUCKSJFKJFK

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: i wanna, like,

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: when's the next btob melody selca day

 

hoseok: I CANT BREATHEJES

 

kihyun: JHKHSKHSKFH

 

jooheon: OG MY GOF

 

hyungwon: that's deadass what i'll look like so don't be afraid to sit next to me when we go on our roadtrip 

 

kihyun: SHUT TUP

 

changkyun: so u do admit ur the furry of the group

 

hyungwon: making me expose myself smh

 

hyunwoo: new lockscreen <3

 

jooheon: I CAN TFUVKING

 

kihyun: you should set that as ur lockscreen hoseok

 

hyunwoo: i'll get one of min as a furry too <3 <3

 

hoseok: who cares if my husband transitioned into an amphibian he's still mine -.-

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: the second one

changkyun: ITS SO UGLY

 

kihyun: cute bangs

 

jooheon: his bangs...

jooheon: why does his bangs look like they tried to erase it on microsoft paint

 

changkyun: JOOHEON

changkyun: PLEAS EI ANT TO BRTAHE

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

changkyun: HYUNWON PLAS E

changkyun: PLLLLLEAAASAWE

 

jooheon: BITCHKJGDKGJVD

 

changkyun: WHEERS KIHYUN HES GONNA BEA TU UP

 

hoseok: I CANT BRTWAHE

 

kihyun: IM GGOJNY TONIILL YOU

 

hyungwon: HE BLOCKED ME SFJABFGSM

 

changkyun: FUCKAJ

 

hyungwon: kihyun ur bloodline is weak and ur crops won't survive the winter

 

changkyun: kihyun he said ur bloodline is weak and ur crops wont survive the winter

 

jooheon: minhyuk or kihyun play bankroll with us

 

changkyun: K BAEHSFJGDFJ KIDYUN

changkyun: KIIIHYUNNN

 

kihyun: wow im bae now

kihyun: what

 

changkyun: can u stfu

 

hoseok: LMAO

 

kihyun: WAIT BIRCH LEMME LOOK AT SOME PREVIEWS IM TRYIGN TO FIND OUT IF NANA IS ALIVE

 

jooheon: na jaemin?

 

kihyun: of course

 

changkyun: no the dog from peter pan

changkyun: okay

 

changkyun: jaemin has six letters and so does furry coincidence i think not

 

jooheon: i have faith in jaemin he would never

 

kihyun: SHUT UP FURRY HAS 5 LETTERS

 

changkyun: jemin

 

jooheon: jimin...

 

kihyun: Zshut UP

 

hyungwon: gremlin......

 

kihyun: i hate you all

 

changkyun: now het on bankroll

changkyun: oops i cursed

changkyun: i meant get

 

hyungwon: watch ur whore mouth

 

jooheon: no effing CURSING

jooheon: anyways, get on bankroll

 

kihyun: say pwease

 

jooheon: pwease

 

changkyun: CHOCOLATE VANILLA THWIRL WITH COOKIE CRUNCH PLEATHE

 

jooheon: IMCMEANSKFHKSTNJES

 

kihyun: ok. im going now

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gnat really is hiding all these ss from me smh RUDE


	22. what happened in our past lives lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you believe in reincarnation?

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

hoseok: there's a japanese legend that says the face you have rn is the face of the person you loved in your past life

 

hyungwon: so ur telling me we were all gay in our past life

hyungwon: not surprised

 

minhyuk: damn i must've had low standards

 

jooheon: what if we were girls LMAO

 

changkyun: for what

changkyun: damn i had a thing for ugly people then

 

jooheon: GEHJSJHSJHS

 

changkyun: do u guys believe ein reincarnation

 

jooheon: yes

 

hoseok: yes

 

hyungwon: yeth

 

jooheon: i lowkey wanna get hypnotized and find out what i was or who i was in my past life

 

hoseok: same

 

kihyun: do yall have any birthmarks

kihyun: i know changkyun does

 

jooheon: i do

 

hyunwoo: i have two in between my thighs

 

hoseok: mine is on the bottom of my foot

 

changkyun: mi tummy

 

jooheon: two on my cheeks and one thats UHHHHHH

 

kihyun: wasnt there a thing that said like thats how you died or wtv

 

changkyun: beauty mark more like booty mark

 

jooheon: ...so i died on my butt?

 

kihyun: JDMFKSHF

 

changkyun: ate ur ass too hard and u bled to death

 

kihyun: STOJSFSFSP

 

jooheon: FUCKDKFJSKJF

 

hyungwon: IC ANT BERATHE

 

changkyun: i was stabbed in the stomach maybe

 

kihyun: maybe i got shot in the stomach

 

hoseok: i probably died stepping on the stupidest thing

 

changkyun: i hope i died doing something cool like fruit ninja irl

 

kihyun: lego

 

changkyun: LEEGGPGO

 

hoseok: maybe my ex had a foot fetish and bit me

 

jooheon: NDSNDSDKSNDK

 

kihyun: FUCKKSSKFKLS

 

hoseok: so my ex was into feet AND vore how'd i let that happen?

 

kihyun: STROGIOFJSK

 

changkyun: GOOF BYE

 

minhyuk: WHAT ARE YALL TLKING ABOT

minhyuk: i forget what vore is

 

hyunwoo: Give me a V!

 

hyungwon: V!

 

hyunwoo: Give me a O!

 

hoseok: O

 

hyunwoo: Give me a R!

 

changkyun: R!

 

kihyun: i don't like where this is going

 

hoseok: VORGINA !

 

jooheon: i want some pizza

 

kihyun: FUCKSJKSD

 

minhyuk: did you guys hear that i've contracted ligma :/

 

changkyun: whats that are u okay

 

minhyuk: no i have ligma

 

changkyun: WHAT IS LIGMA

 

minhyuk: ligma balls

minhyuk: i cANT BREYAHE

minhyuk: HE BLOCKED MECDHS,F

 

changkyun: SOMEON ELSE PLE ASE get on im bored

 

kihyun: hello

kihyun: whats ligma

 

changkyun: hello

 

minhyuk: ligma balls

 

changkyun: DONT ASK

 

kihyun: i dont get it

 

changkyun: good

 

kihyun: do you have him blocked or smth

 

minhyuk: SAY IT OUTLOUD

minhyuk: yeah he does

 

changkyun: tell me when he shuts up about it so i can unblock

 

kihyun: uhhhh

kihyun: minnie shut the fuck up so he can unblock you

 

minhyuk: i-

minhyuk: TELL HIM TO UNBLOCK ME

 

kihyun: he said he'll stop 

 

changkyun: you liar !

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my index finger hurts rip


	23. ur crops r fucking weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your tomato garden is weak and rice is crucial for everything

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

kihyun: who r u

 

changkyun: the 1 u need

 

kihyun: GOODBYE

 

changkyun: smh

 

minhyuk: sorrynara bc he's mine now

 

hoseok: what the fuck did i wake up to

 

kihyun: i took a shower and got shampoo in my eyes 

 

jooheon: ur hair always smells like fruits

 

kihyun: ...

kihyun: don't slander ME FOR THE SHAMPOO I USE

 

minhyuk: u usin baby shampoo?

minhyuk: LMAOOOOO

 

kihyun: im leaving.

 

hyunwoo: omg it's probably that suave kids shampoo that smells like strawberries

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

changkyun: WHY DO ANTS LAY EGGS BIGGER THAN THEMSELVES ARE THEIR VAGINAS OKAY

 

kihyun: I

 

changkyun: DO ANTS HAVE VAGINAS

 

hyunwoo: as someone whose dad is a scientist you'd think he'd know

 

kihyun: i think theres only the queen ant idk

 

hyungwon: ki how can u say ur not an ant expert when ur the bug daddy kihyun !

 

changkyun: YEAH

 

kihyun: goodbye, hyungwon

 

hyungwon: hello, bug daddy

 

kihyun: i truly hate you all

 

changkyun: KIIII UR GONNA GET EATEN BY ANTS AND THEN THEY'LL SHIT U OUT OF THEIR ASSES IN EGGS

 

hyungwon: yeth

 

hoseok: morbidly disgusted

 

minhyuk: ew

 

kihyun: :(

 

hyungwon: omg did y'all see the university warning posted today

 

hyunwoo: LMAO "we have issues where students are having sex under the bleachers during football season, refrain from doing that please"

 

jooheon: WHAT IF THEY GOT ANTS IN THIER COOCHIES

 

hoseok: students fuck in the garden too

 

hyungwon: that's so romantic

 

kihyun: DISGUSTIN

 

hoseok: ikr

 

changkyun: what if a bee stings ur dick

 

hoseok: but i'm not tring to sit on someone's late night spunk ya feel

 

kihyun: kyun.

 

minhyuk: DKJSKD

 

hyungwon: if ur allergic then u die

 

hoseok: BuT My gIrTh dOcTOR

 

jooheon: who's the weadew of this chat

 

hoseok: minhyuk

 

kihyun: OMG I JUSY FOUND OUT WHAT DDLG MEANS

 

hoseok: mmlb

 

jooheon: OH MY GOF

 

chankyun: yeah dancing dogs lettuce green

 

minhyuk: whats weadew

 

kihyun: LMAO

kihyun: ladder

 

hoseok: JDJSHDJSD

hoseok: latter

 

hyungwon: LEADER

 

minhyuk: OH A LADDER

 

kihyun: minhyuk, u are so smart

 

minhyuk: if we were ever a kpop group what would our roles be

 

jooheon: crackhead

 

changkyun: no

 

hoseok: I WAS GONNA TYPE THAT

 

jooheon: UGH OUR MINDS

 

hoseok: JOO OUR MINDS

 

hyungwon: this girl just asked me if ur single

 

hoseok: who asked what for who

 

minhyuk: what

 

hyunwoo: who

 

hyungwon: hyunwoo

 

hyunwoo: o

hyunwoo: uhhhh oop gotta blast !

 

hyungwon: ugh i love when he has $-8193716 in his checking acc

 

changkyun: skate fast eat ass

 

hoseok: i love it when he's -$2826652 in debt and running from the government

hoseok: i love fits dudes who run hehehehe

 

jooheon: says the fit dude

 

hyungwon: omg my phones at 6%

 

hoseok: 6% HOW DO YOU LIVE

hoseok: as soon as my phone turns 15% i fuckinh sprint for the nearest charger

 

hyungwon: fuck off it's gotten to 1% before i plugged it in y'all are just weak and don't know how to live life on the edge

 

jooheon: question

jooheon: how do i clean my laptop

 

minhyuk: idk run it in hot water

 

kihyun: with a cloth

 

changkyun: wash it with soap and water

 

kihyun: RUN IT IN HOT WATER

kihyun: put it in rice

 

changkyun: will u be the I AM to my NOT :33

 

kihyun: . .......... .. .

 

changkyun: does that say "yes" in morse code

 

kihyun: NO

 

hoseok: yall i saw this fine ass

hoseok: white maserati

 

changkyun: isnt that a type of rice

 

hyunwoo: its a car...

 

changkyun: ...o

 

hyungwon: the time is not right for ur cornfields kihyun

 

kihyun: what

 

changkyun: he's shitting on all ur crops

 

kihyun: I

 

hyungwon: no he's only doing that on urs

hyungwon: bc ur weak

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

changkyun: o it me

 

hyungwon: enjoy those CARROTS bc they will be the last of ur crops

 

hoseok: i jus watched a video of a male spider get flung off a rock because he was trying to woo the female spider and she jus flicked him away

 

minhyuk: disgusting

 

changkyun: FUCK

changkyun: i took a bite of my noodles

changkyun: FUCK THAIS IS SPAIU

changkyun: SPICY

 

hyungwon: chill it's fucking tomato sauce

hyungwon: oh ya u wouldn't know since ur tomato garden died last winter

 

changkyun: .

 

kihyun: bow down peasants

 

hyunwoo: r u gonna call urself a prince

 

changkyun: prince of hell maybe

 

minhyuk: ki ur fuckin. hades

 

kihyun: .

 

hyungwon: omg the market place on gaia

 

hoseok: WHAT ARE YOU BUYING ON GAIA

 

changkyun: my eye

 

hoseok: WHAT R YOU BIDDING ON IN GAIAA

 

jooheon: are you gonna outbid him or sombrhkng

 

hyungwon: STOP PLS DONT

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i reread there's a world that's been waiting for you as you are because i needed a laugh and i realized so many things are similar and i feel like i'm copying the story even though i'm not but :-( i dunno if it's massive crackhead mind power or what's going on :''''


	24. is this a personal attack birch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the moment you've all been waiting for, it is i, changkyun!!!! the author is busy being a bad bitch rn so its changkyun hours

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

hoseok: good evening

 

kihyun: why are u always the one to start conversations

 

hoseok: fine guess i'll leave then

hoseok: [REST.]

 

hyungwon: no

 

hoseok: [NEVERMIND.]

 

jooheon: u really pulled a freedawn huh

 

changkyun: LFMAODSUADOID

 

minhyuk: hoseok's like that video of the guy sayin alright guys i gotta run... alrigHT I GOTTA STAY!

 

hyunwoo: hoseok without hyungwon vs. hoseok with hyungwon

 

hyungwon: ugh my impact

 

hoseok: stop fucking bullying me

 

changkyun: never, meathead

 

kihyun: hey thats mean

 

changkyun: well,

changkyun: jooheon help me out here

 

jooheon: well technically meathead can be a compliment because hoseok is a well baked honey glazed ham on a cozy christmas evening

 

minhyuk: what the fuck, jooheon

 

changkyun: .....thanks

 

jooheon: ur welcum ^___^

 

hoseok: i think i teared up a bit

 

hyunwoo: hey we're called HAMILY for a reason

 

hyungwon: ham ily

hyungwon: ham i love you

 

hoseok: i thought you loved me

 

hyungwon: i do you're ham remember what jooheon said

 

kihyun: no one listens to what jooheon says

 

jooheon: :D

 

minhyuk: be like jooheon.

 

hoseok: call me hamseok

 

hyungwon: you're MY ham <3

 

minhyuk: ok romantic

 

changkyun: romhamtic

 

kihyun: changkyun please shut up

 

changkyun: when in romeham do as the romehams do

 

jooheon: love that quote

 

kihyun: changkyun please shut up challenge failed

 

changkyun: i'd say sorry but im really not

 

minhyuk: at least ur honest

 

hyungwon: is that an attack

 

minhyuk: perhaps

 

hoseok: attack wdym what did you do

 

minhyuk: well

 

hyungwon: SHUT UP let me say it

 

minhyuk: o____o

 

hyungwon: ok one time minhyuk and i went on a double date

 

minhyuk: you forced me to be your wingman

 

hyungwon: Do yall hear sumn?.. anyways i was gonna meet this girl after she invited me to a club with her friend who's also a girl

hyungwon: and OBVIOUSLY i couldnt third wheel so i was gonna ask minhyuk

 

minhyuk: ò____ó

 

hyungwon: but minhyuk cant talk to women to save his life so i had to tell him she was bringing her gbf

 

hyunwoo: her what

 

hoseok: gay best friend

 

hyungwon: minhyuk was like cool a gays only event

hyungwon: when we got there he uhh...

 

minhyuk: i was a flop thanks this is why im gay

 

changkyun: being GAY is a CHOICE... NOT a DECISION

 

minhyuk: kyun.....

 

hoseok: .......they're literally.........

 

kihyun: the same thing...

 

jooheon: sorry buddy you lost me there

jooheon: i almost typed bussy instead of buddy

 

changkyun: no thats better call me bussy

changkyun: yall dont get my sense of humor

 

hyungwon: no i get it lets laugh at the homophobes Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

 

changkyun: Ha Ha Ha Ha

 

hyungwon: HA.... Ha.... ha....

 

minhyuk: happy happy happy!

 

hyunwoo: stan wjsn the princesses of starship

 

hyungwon: anyways LONG STORY SHORT i obviously didnt get the girl

 

jooheon: yeah thanks we figured that out already

 

kihyun: thats so sad press f to pay respects

 

minhyuk: i have no respect for him ever since he took me out on a blind date with a woman

 

hyungwon: oh shut up whore you're bisexual you just lean towards men because we're all you hang out with

 

changkyun: minhyuk put another coin in the jar

 

minhyuk: i cant theres no room its full

 

hyunwoo: what jar

 

changkyun: the Saying I'm Gay When I'm Actually Bisexual jar

 

jooheon: now THAT sounds like an attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hizzuk im sorry if this is messy or a different format??!?!?? this is my first time writing anything but i hope its good enough thank u for reading this fic on behalf of me and the author and our groupchat :)
> 
>  
> 
> ``hello yes this has been formatted and edited correctly and i just wanna say changkyun will be taking over for quite a while so stay tuned for upcoming chapters! i have been swarmed with summer hw and uhhhh yea! so for now tata!`` - author


	25. oh my GOD WHY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> public bathrooms are the worst public enemy

**HAMily**   


**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

**  
**

hyunwoo: IM IN YHE BATHROOM IN PUBLIC TIGHT AND TBETES NO TOILET PAPER AND HOSEOKS PHONE IS ON SILENT IM GKING TO DIE

hyunwoo: anD THERES A MAN ON THE PHONE RN

hyunwoo: ON SPEAKER

  


hyungwon: KSKSKSKS

  


hyunwoo: HIS NAME IS JULIAN

  


jooheon: yhhhHHHH

  


hyunwoo: HE SOUNDS LIKE A NIcE HISPANIC MAN

  


minhyuk: HAJDKSJFK

  


jooheon: just go for it and ask

  


hyunwoo: IM GOING TO DIE

hyunwoo: NO

  


minhyuk: BE PLEASE

  


jooheon: this is survival

jooheon; CMON

  


hyunwoo: HE LEFT

  


minhyuk: BLEASE I NEEDA WIPE MY ASS MR

  


jooheon: FUCKDKSK

  


minhyuk: BLEASE COMEBACK

  


hyunwoo: I GOTTA USE THE TOILET COVER JDJDSKS

  


minhyuk: HYUNWOOOOOO

  


kihyun: HYUNWOOGHDKJDF

  


hyunwoo: I GOTTA

hyunwoo: THERES NOTHING

  


minhyuk: NOOOOO

minhyuk: JUST SIT IN THERE

minhyuk: UNTIL HOSEOK

minhyuk: COMES AND WORRIES

  


hyungwon: "julian por favor...por mi ano"

  


kihyun: better put your spanish skills to work

  


minhyuk: U KNO HOW MANY ASSES HAVE BEEN ON THAT SEAT COVER

  


hyungwon: is ano ass

  


kihyun: HYUNGWONDSJVHJH

  


minhyuk: WE GOING WIPING WITH FLOOR TOILET PAPER

  


hyungwon: I THINK HE MEANS THE PAPER SEAT COVERS

  


jooheon: I HAD TO DO THT ONCE FUCKSK

  


minhyuk: YALL GETTIN SOME SUGONDESE DISEASE

  


jooheon: SHIT TNE FUCKC

  


kihyun: MINHYUK SHUT UP FUCJSJWKD

  


hyungwon: I FANR FUCKINF BRETHE

  


hyunwoo: I managed to move stalls

hyunwoo: OMG JULIAN PEED ALL OVER HTE DAMN SEAT

  


minhyuk: JULIAN OU HERE PEEING ON THE DAMN FLOOR

  


kihyun: PLEASE I CANT BRTHE

  


hyungwon: JULIAN YOU FUCKING MONSTER

  


jooheon: ARE YALL IGNORING THE DAMN FACT THAT HYUNWOO RAN ASS OUT TO A DIFFERENT STALL

  


kihyun: FUCK

  


minhyuk: HYUNWOO DUCKS UNDRRNETHE THE NTALL

  


hyungwon: I CANT FUKIG MY LUNG HURSY

hyungwon: HYUNWOO RUNNING OUT OF THE STALL BUTT ASS NAKED

hyungwon: INTO ANOTHER STALL

  


minhyuk: MYYYY LUNGGGGG

  


jooheon: HE DOES SOME MISSION IMPOSSIBLE SHIT WHERE HE CRAWLS UNDER THE STALLS

  


kihyun: SHUT UOFIVJKK

kihyun: WHERED HE GOO

  


jooheon: THE FBI WISHES THEY COULD BE ON HIS LEVEL

jooheon: he's meditating

  


hyungwon: someone reported him to the police

  


kihyun: WAIT JDSJDJJ CANT HOSEOK CHECK HIS DAMN PHONE

  


hyungwon: BITCH THAT SJITS ON SILENT

hyungwon: KNOWING HIM HES TOO BUSY LOOKING AT TH INSTANT NOODLES

  


jooheon: fUCJSKFJSK

  


kihyun; THIS IS SO S A D

  


minhyuk: EHAT IF HE CONTRACTED LIGMA

  


kihyun: STIOPO

kihyun: IM GOING TO KILL YOU

  


hoseok: omg

  


hyungwon: FJAFAJL HOSEK

  


kihyun: LMAOOOOO

  


hoseok: HYUNWOO FUCK DKDSKDJS

hoseok: i am

hoseok: SO SORRY

  


minhyuk: wait where's changkyun he's missing all of this

  


hoseok: his phone is a home

  


hyungwon: oh he's with yall?

  


hyunwoo: HOSEOK YOU ITCHD

  


hoseok: IM SORRY WEERE COMING NOW

hoseok: changkyun says hyunwoo probably got shit particles all over him I CANNOT

  


jooheon: FUKSKKSKJJD

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's my rest day and i lost my voice screaming at ailee at kcon life is good!


	26. i see that fine ass LURKIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with call out culture !

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

hoseok: omg yall.

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

kihyun: hewwo hoseok

kihyun: HOSEOK THE

kihyun: IS YHAT A CUCUMBER

 

minhyuk: fuck u

minhyuk: HOSEOK BACK AT IT AGAIN

minhyuk: WITH THE BIG STICK

 

hoseok: yETh

hoseok: my stomach just made the weirdest noise

 

jooheon: it was me

 

hyungwon: after pulling that semi all nighter with the two crackheads i felt like time was distorted

 

minhyuk: hoseok vored joo

minhyuk: GIMME A V

minhyuk: if no one gives me a goddamn v

 

hoseok: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

 

jooheon: v

 

hyungwon: this what we not finna do

 

minhyuk: giMME AN O

 

jooheon: o

 

minhyuk: no jooheon is going along dont ruin it now

minhyuk: GIMME A R

 

hyungwon: no

 

minhyuk: butch

 

jooheon: rihoiserus

jooheon: i cant

jooheon: ducking spell

 

minhyuk: .

 

jooheon: please tell me u know what i'm talking abt

 

hyungwon: rhinosaurus

 

hoseok: a rhino?

 

jooheon: YES

 

hyungwon: BITCH

 

minhyuk: LNAOO

 

jooheon: FCUKDKS

 

hyungwon: JOO U REALLY GOT 2 BRAINCELLS HUH

 

hoseok: dude i swear it's like my stomach is trying to communicate with me

 

hyunwoo: hello

hyunwoo: its jooheon saying hello

 

hoseok: stop it just made a noise

 

jooheon: grrrrr grrrrrzzzz opooohrbgrrrrhb

 

kihyun: what the fuck are we talking about

 

hyungwon: u

 

jooheon; we all have malfunctioning brain cells rn so just say whatever u want

 

kihyun: That is just So mean

 

hyungwon: that's so raven

 

jooheon: hoseok would host a show called that's so hoseok

 

hyungwon: and do what

 

kihyun: be hoseok

 

hoseok: what would i even do on a show i'm so boring

hoseok: i would have to like bullshit my lines

 

kihyun: itd just be one of those shows like

kihyun: My Junior Year of College

 

hoseok: so a satire of my life

 

jooheon: i wish we all were in a reality show imagine how many brain cells would be deteriorated

 

kihyun: you mean brain sells

 

hoseok: yes exactly

 

changkyun: ANY BAD BITCHES HERE???

 

minhyuk: HEY

 

hyungwon: all of ours

 

_minhyuk has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: our last 2 braincells would dertiorate

hyungwon: that photo is sponsored by crest 3d whitening strips

 

jooheon: changkyun has such pretty features it's not fair

 

hoseok: his pupils dilated as a mf though

 

minhyuk: changkyun is so sexc

minhyuk: god that picture is so funny

minhyuk: changkyun is so funny

 

hoseok: ugh i remember i had to got take an eye exam and the doctor put eyedrops to dilate my eyes

 

hyungwon: i hate getting my pupils dilated

 

kihyun: what does it feel like

kihyun: does it hurt

 

hoseok: no you just cant see anything

 

hyungwon: it just feels really fuckin weird

 

hoseok: everything's bright and fuzzy

 

jooheon: u feel like ur tripping on acid

 

kihyun: i was gonna ask

kihyun: u guys know how conch is pronounced right

 

hyungwon: conk

hyungwon: bepsi

 

kihyun: thank u

 

changkyun: its BEPIS

 

hyungwon: i didn't ask

 

changkyun: miss typing is not in ur description

 

kihyun: i

 

jooheon: ain't it pronounced how it's spelled

 

hyungwon: miss typing is kihyun's alter ego

 

kihyun: what

 

hyungwon: sometimes they overlook

hyungwon: overlap

 

kihyun: words put together that my brain cannot comprehend

kihyun: hello

 

hyungwon: conch is pronounced conk

 

hoseok: hamily lets all get hypnotized

 

hyungwon: ugh i love hamily bonding

 

hoseok: see who was a furry in their past life

 

changkyun: [yall on rabbit watching the vid]

changkyun: narrator: close your eyes. calm your breathing. i will count backwards from 10 and you will go deeper.

changkyun: me, on voice chat: pee pee

 

kihyun: SHUT UP DMFSJFGJF

 

hyungwon: once i learn how to private the room you wont be able to get in

hyungwon: ill set it to friends only

 

changkyun: im ur friend. on rabbit

 

hyungwon: not anymore

 

jooheon: i lowkey wanna get hypntized

jooheon: i wanna know who i was in my past life

 

hyungwon: do it

 

jooheon: hyunwoo i c you here

 

hyunwoo: shut up

hyunwoo: skrt skrt bitch

hyunwoo: let me live and read in peace

 

hyungwon: this is call out culture

 

changkyun: i did it ONCE but like a year ago or something but i remember being like a prince or something and some hitman came and murdered me

 

hoseok: hitman bang killed yo ass?

 

changkyun: .

 

jooheon: NFMDNSKZ

jooheon: yeah i'm gonna try it see u all in 20 minutes

 

hyungwon: that's so weird i did this before too and i was an assassin for hire who killed people for money

 

changkyun: lets watch some reincarnation documentaries

changkyun: HYUNGWONDHFSJGF

 

jooheon: if any of y'all call my number just to say peepee i will eat your entire foot

 

hyunwoo: i feel liked i'd die trying to hypnotize myself or smth

 

kihyun: reincarnation documentaries :ooooooi

 

hyunwoo: like what if i can't get out

 

kihyun: ME TOO

 

hyungwon: yes i love learning about siddhartha gautama 

 

hoseok: buddhism <333

hoseok: i love being a buddhist

 

kihyun: i'm christian 

kihyun: but my household used to be buddhists but changed after i was born

 

hyungwon: u made ur whole family change their faith?

hyungwon: that's Powerful

 

changkyun: they saw they gave birth to a demon so they floored it

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

 

changkyun: should i try the hypno shit now

 

hyungwon: i'm gonna wait for joo to come back with results before i try

 

kihyun: next thing you know im gonna be seeing myself from nct 1786

 

hyungwon: jooheon comes back in like: y'all i used to be a squirrel and died by crashing into a garbage dumpster running away from a dog

 

kihyun: FUCKJFSLDJFSLJ

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changkyun will start writing more chapters sooon


	27. is that a THREAT i'm seeing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you just tell me to die?

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

jooheon: if 4+4=8 then how come he said "lmao fuck our date"

 

changkyun: ur mind...

 

kihyun: ok satan

 

minhyuk: ok demon

 

hyungwon: ok kihyun

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

 

hyungwon: speaking of satan when y'all wanna rabbit sailor moon

 

changkyun: i got 200 pictures of seungmin last night and i'm not even halfway done through the fansites

 

minhyuk: speaking of satan when am i gonna die

 

changkyun: SOON

 

hyungwon: NEJSJS

hyungwon: WHAT

 

changkyun: WAIT DID YALL SEE THISNB

 

kihyun: WHAT

 

hoseok: sure give me like one more hour

 

hyungwon: DID U JUST CURSE MINHYUK

 

hoseok: WHAT

 

hyunwoo: i just saw summ about CURSING minhyuk what the FUCK 

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: WAIT NO

changkyun: WAIT

changkyun: WHEN I SQID SOON

changkyun: I WAS RWSPONDING TO HYUNGEOWN

changkyun: HYUNGWON

changkyun: LIKE WATCH SAILOR MOON SOON

 

hoseok: LIES

 

hyungwon: IS THIS A THREAT BITCH????

 

changkyun: NO WIW WNAISNS

changkyun: IW AS STEAPINDING TO YOU

changkyun: JN HONAN CRY

 

kihyun: FCUK OFF KYUN

 

changkyun: U ASKED WHEN WE GONNA RABBIT AND I SAID SOON

 

minhyuk: ...well shit

 

jooheon: omg what did i miss

jooheon: JKDJSKDJ CHANGKYUN

 

changkyun: shut UP

 

hyunwoo: changkyun really out here foreseeing our deaths i knew the emo punk grunge look was suspicious !

 

minhyuk: I CANT BRAETHE SOP

 

_hoseok has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: lochness rapmon didn't have to cut so deep damn

 

kihyun: HSNDKXOSKC

 

minhyuk: HYUNGWON WIEJFI

 

hyungwon: MINNIE WIEIEJ

hyungwon: i didn't actually mean to almost send the same spasm but it just happened and i think we're cursed

 

kihyun: when will u both die

kihyun: SOON

 

hyunwoo: AGAIN

 

jooheon: i

 

hyungwon: kIHYUN WHAT THE FUC

 

kihyun: i've been working on my carrd this past 2 hours n i kinda wanna sleep

kihyun: I WAS COPYING KYUNNIE

 

minhyuk: KI SHUT UP

 

hyungwon: what are u putting on ur carrd

 

hoseok: says the dude who made his whole family switch religions ya try fooling me again it aint happening 

 

hyunwoo: mY UNNG

 

jooheon: that's big demonic power !

 

minhyuk: wow ki's an editor now

 

hyungwon: FUCKDKEJE

 

kihyun: I HATE U ALL

 

hyunwoo: WAIT IT CAN BE BDE

hyunwoo: BIG DEMONIC ENERGY

 

hoseok: FUCKHJAHKJAAFH

 

kihyun: [kihyun].

 

minhyuk: bde

minhyuk: hyun has a lot of bde

minhyuk: but you'll never know which one i'm referring to

 

hyungwon: kihyun's mom: *gives birth*

hyungwon: kihyun's mom: see...this ain't it...we going holy religion now

 

kihyun: FUCK OFF OH NYGID

 

jooheon: y'all hear summ ?

 

kihyun: [REST.]

 

hyungwon: ya i hear the devil whispering in my ear and i can't tell if he's telling me to shut up or go die

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: TELL ME WHAT TO DOOO

 

hyunwoo: i'd like

hyunwoo: ignore it personally

 

hyungwon: tell him to suck my dick

 

changkyun: its like

changkyun: i want to be mad at him

 

hyungwon: he doesn't deserve ur friendship anymore

 

hoseok: what are the pros and cons

 

hyungwon: cons: broke your heart

hyungwon: pros: ???

 

changkyun: FCUDJDN

 

_changkyun has sent an image_

 

changkyun: THIS one

 

hoseok: "so delicate"

hoseok: as if changkyun don't stomp on people for a living

hoseok: smh

 

hyungwon: "so delicate and cute" tf he see you as ?? a mfuckinnnn artisan porcelain vase,,???

 

changkyun: ICNAT BREAThhe

changkyun: DREAMIES time for a vote should i say "hi" or "new phone who dis"

 

jooheon: new phone who did

jooheon: DIS

 

hoseok: new phone who dis

 

changkyun: HES GOOOOOOON KNOW I KNOW ITSHIMMMM

changkyun: ok going

 

hyungwon: what if i send him a choke meme

 

changkyun: IM GGONNA PEE THIS SI SO FUNNY

changkyun: me: omg he texted me :(

changkyun: yall: exist

changkyun: me: LMFAO YEAH THIS IS FUN

 

jooheon; DUCSAKLADKLA

 

kihyun: i don't think u should associate with him anymore because he literally hurt u

kihyun: "i wouldve learned to love you" sounds toxic

 

hyungwon: [changkyun voice] kihyun spit it out u whore

hyungwon: oh

 

hoseok: LMAO

 

kihyun: SHUT UP

kihyun: hello dreamies

 

changkyun: thank u

 

kihyun: :D

 

hyungwon: ya what bug boy said!

 

kihyun: Ok Anyway

 

hoseok: i would offer adage but like...my brain's fried like a MF

 

kihyun: what is adage

 

changkyun: me: omg guys he texted me :(

changkyun: me:

changkyun: me: <3 thread on why he's a little bitch <3

 

kihyun: BSHHJSJSJ

 

hoseok: advice

 

jooheon: BDJFNDJD

 

hoseok: a saying

hoseok: yunno

 

kihyun: OH

 

changkyun: i don't think ur brain is fried that much is ur using words like adage

 

hoseok: oh trust me it's fried

 

hyungwon: lmao i thought he was talking abt food

 

hyunwoo: WONNIE DJSJDKJSKD

 

hyungwon: offer adage??? bitch sounds yummy GIMME SOME

 

hoseok: i still don't know what numbers are significant

 

changkyun: what's a significant number

 

hyungwon: numbers with significance

 

jooheon: totally...helpful

 

hyunwoo: ya...

 

hyungwon: sig figs are kinda easy to remember but life throws bs at you so that shit gets CONFUSING

 

jooheon: OMG SIG FIGS

 

changkyun: SIG FIGS.

 

kihyun: sig figs? never heard of her

 

hyungwon: kihyun be the one to be through with a whole unit abt sig figs but be staring out the window not knowing shit 

 

jooheon: ki b like: window

 

hyungwon: [redacted voice] if i had understood sig figs, i would have learned to love them.

 

jooheon: FUCKSJALKJFA

 

hyunwoo: IM GOSNNSHDIRRJ

 

kihyun: HYJNWDONGHH

 

changkyun: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

changkyun: IM GONANPEE

 

hoseok: IC ANT BRAEGEH

 

minhyuk: I ACTUALLY FUCKING GSPD

minhyuk: BITCH WAS SHAKING

 

jooheon: I BIT MY TONGUE WHILE LAUGHING

 

kihyun: the app crashed hi im back

 

jooheon: does it have insurance

 

changkyun: maybe if i knew what was going on in the idol music video i would have learned to love it

 

hoseok: FUCKJFKS

 

kihyun: OMG SHUT UP

 

hyungwon: collect ur coin sis !

 

jooheon: fuck u i loved the song and video

 

hyunwoo: i-

 

minhyuk: WOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME !

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet you didn't expect me to update with this long ass chapter this week AHA
> 
> so uh apush is really kicking my ass so enjoy my present because i might die early <3


	28. is that a dung ?? beetle ??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tag urself im the ball of shit

**HAMily**

 

 

 

 

hoseok: DON'T ... DIE !!! JEBAL ???

 

kihyun: Hoseok Dont Ever Say That Again...Jebal...

 

hoseok: fuck you know that one kboo girl who goes "annyeonghasaeyo? i mean hello?"

 

jooheon: JEBAL SIKE MALHAEJUSEYO

jooheon: oop

 

hoseok: tell me why i immediately thought of the beginning of lies by bigbang

 

jooheon: big bang...

 

hyungwon: thwyre inmy kitchen

 

kihyun: big bang is in ur kitchen !??!?!?!?!?!??

 

hyungwon: ya

 

hoseok: is it because ur kitchen is a lie

 

hyungwon: i was gonna type "did i stutter" but i had like 84 typos in that text so

 

hoseok: and we're living as pawns from an outer being controlling us as their sim

 

hyungwon: hoseok what the fuck

 

hoseok: Im sO WoKe

 

kihyun: HUH

 

hyungwon: ok dreamies its 4:32pm and theres some loud ass noises outside for the last 10 minutes and it sounds like a rave or summ 

hyungwon: anyway if i die just know that i'm finally living my best life in somalia with my demon sugar daddy and will be stuck for life raving with him at 4pm <333

 

hoseok: what

 

hyungwon: ok nvm save me seokkie

 

hoseok: i'll fight the noises outside your house

hoseok; and order pizza

hoseok: like i would but i'm busy 

 

hyungwon: dkdjdkjdk it's alright i ordered dominos earlier today

 

jooheon: what's shakalakin

 

changkyun: my bones, dear

 

jooheon: your what

 

changkyun: my bones are crackalakin

 

jooheon: I SAID SHAKALAKIN

 

changkyun: and i said crackalakin

 

_jooheon has sent an image_

 

changkyun: STIPUPL

 

hyungwon: bro japan is getting torn up from like typhoons and earthquakes

hyungwon: it's scary

 

hoseok: aren't they on the verge of sinking

 

hyunwoo: possibly

hyunwoo: the rain today was terrible 

 

hyungwon: poor japan :-(((

 

hoseok: the land of the rising sun? more like the land of the sinking empire

hoseok: i'm sorry class

hoseok: but yeah mother nature is really tearing japan apart :-(

 

hyunwoo: YALL IT FINNA FLOOD

hyunwoo: i live near the river too this is so sad

 

hyungwon: remember when the entire highway got flooded

hyungwon: fun times

hyungwon: omg ew i just saw a bug

 

hoseok: dung beetle?

 

minhyuk: i'm sorry but what the fuck

minhyuk: out of all the bugs you pick a DUNG BEETLE

 

hoseok: try me bitch

 

minhyuk: fuck you

minhyuk: ur nasty

 

hoseok: ya i said it because you also eat shit

 

minhyuk: yeah omw SQUARE UP

 

hoseok: LMAO imagine waking up to go get water and there's a fucking dung beetle rolling a huge ball of shit on ur kitchen floor

 

jooheon: what

 

changkyun: that's disgusting stop

 

hyungwon: i've never seen a dung beetle so idk

 

hyunwoo: where's kihyun

 

hyungwon: i don't know ??? does it look like i know ???

 

hyunwoo: are you a dung beetle too? spewing a whole lotta shit 

 

hyungwon: WOW

 

changkyun: DID HYUNWOO JUST. I. 

 

minhyuk: i....gasped.....

 

hoseok: do you think if i say jeno kihyun will appear

 

kihyun: did someone say jeno

 

hoseok: LMAO

 

hyungwon: i'm disgusted

 

kihyun: thank you, hyungwon

 

hoseok: ya i said lee jeno what ya gonna do abt it

 

kihyun: ive been doing

kihyun: .

 

hyungwon: shut up that wasn't even directed toyou

 

kihyun: okay bye !

 

jooheon: i-

 

hyunwoo: ...nana

 

kihyun: OF COURSE !!

kihyun: my babies uwu

 

jooheon: dream is so uwu

jooheon: babies are so soft uwu

 

kihyun: they're so cute

 

minhyuk: c'mon it's all abt lele

 

hyungwon: lele pons

 

kihyun: Shut Up

 

changkyun: all of nct are so ??? uwu

 

hoseok: but jaehyun is a white man's whore

 

hyungwon: omg we have so much in common already i stan

 

hoseok: SHUT YPRT

 

jooheon: LMAOOO

 

_hyungwon has sent an image_

 

hyungwon: god why is our guild so fuckinf STUPID

 

kihyun: I DDONT KNOW

 

hyungwon: DO THEY NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY.

 

kihyun: sigh.

 

hyungwon: DREAMIES OUR GUILD I S FULL

 

changkyun: i miss kc

changkyun: maybe i would play it more if IT LOADED

 

hoseok: true you haven't been on in 10 days 

 

changkyun: :-((

 

minhyuk: wait the guild is full?

 

hyungwon: ya

 

minhyuk: are there

minhyuk: any inactives

 

hoseok: no they're all low levels

 

hyungwon: *stares at hyunwoo*

 

hoseok: someone said they had a problem with area 3

hoseok: what's wrong with the third region ?

 

hyungwon: then hoseok was like "what's the fucking problem, Laura?"

 

hoseok: I

hoseok: Well

 

kihyun: literally nothing besides the difficulty being hard

 

hoseok: OH LMAO

hoseok: weak bitches got back problems so we gotta carry :pppp

 

hyungwon: SHUTTIP

 

kihyun: I HATE YOU

 

hyungwon: but ur right

 

hoseok: of course 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO i've been swarmed with classes and nct dream's COMEBACK and i've been getting into skz
> 
> LISTEN to dreams new songs they SLAP! my wig was GONE! 123 was the rnb track we all needed! dream singlehandedly saved the kpop industry with the whole mini albums ugh skinny mf legends they're so cute my babies uwu but yA i might consider writing a nct dream chat fic but we'll see !!!
> 
> toodles !!


End file.
